IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The most important aim of science should be to improve people’s lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Nowadays,
science
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 plays a crucial role in our societies. Many believe enhancing
humans’
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human’
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life
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 quality should be the main goal of it. I vehemently agree
due to
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 the
amount
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 of energy we spend on discovering new
science
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 and the impressive
power
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 of it
in
Correct your spelling
is
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 affecting our lives. One of the most important reasons why the main goal of
science
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 must be to improve our lives is the
amount
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 of
time
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 and energy humans invest in
science
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.
For instance
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, from the early ages of humans’
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life
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lives
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, they have spent plenty of their
time
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 and money to study and learn new things which has led to new scientific discoveries in many cases. To add more, there are different fields
that
Change preposition
in that
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science
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 can be used to make new things and discover unknown knowledge, but we should never forget that the magical
power
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 of
science
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 should be focused on important aspects of humans’
life
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 including health and existence to
worth
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be worth
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 investing heavily in.
Thus
Linking Words
, if
this
Linking Words
amount
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 of energy
be
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is
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 allocated
on
Change preposition
to
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 something
that its
Correct pronoun usage
whose
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 initial goal will not benefit mankind’s
life
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 significantly, like media and other non-necessary things, our
time
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 would be wasted effectively. Another reason is the
amount
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 of
power
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 that
science
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 has to affect people’s
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life
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lives
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. Without a
doubt
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doubt,
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 the new technologies that come from scientific
researches
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research
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 have so much
power
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 to improve our quality of
life
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 that nothing else is capable of. In the past, people in order to survive tried various methods,
mostly
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and mostly
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 learned from other creatures including animals, but nothing helped their survival and progress more than discoveries based on
science
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. With its help, man learned to make tools and
accommodation
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accommodations
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 and started a civilized world.
Thus
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, the
amount
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 of comfort and benefits we can get from
science
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 is incomparable with other fields in terms of affecting our
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life
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lives
show examples
. So, we should
priorities
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prioritise
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 the main goal of it to improve people’s
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life
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lives
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. In conclusion, it is considered that the main goal of
science
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 should be to enhance
humans’
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human’
show examples
Use synonyms
life
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lives
show examples
. Since the
amount
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 of valuable
time
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 that we spend on learning
science
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 and its wonderful
power
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 to affect our
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life
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lives
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 significantly are undeniable, I believe the main aim of
science
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 should be benefiting our lives.

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coherence and cohesion
Work on structuring your paragraphs more clearly. Each paragraph should focus on a single main idea, with evidence and details supporting it.
task achievement
Be more precise with your language. For example, instead of 'the magical power of science', you might use 'the potential of science' to convey a more academic tone.
task achievement
Include more specific examples or statistics to strengthen your arguments. You mention the past efforts of humans, but providing specific historical examples could enhance your points significantly.
task achievement
Your essay has a clear stance on the topic and maintains that perspective throughout, which is commendable.
task achievement
The vocabulary used in the essay is varied and shows an attempt to convey complex ideas, which is a positive aspect.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • crucial role
  • enhancing
  • quality of human life
  • advancements
  • medicine
  • healthcare
  • scientific research
  • solving societal problems
  • improving living standards
  • global issues
  • climate change
  • food scarcity
  • technological advancements
  • limitations
  • negative consequences
  • ethical considerations
  • sustainability
  • environmental preservation
What to do next:
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