IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that Art gives our lives meaning and purpose. Others believe that it is merely a distraction from real life. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

In fact,
art
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 plays a crucial part in our
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life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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 and influences us in lots of various ways. Some people feel that it provides a significant meaning and purpose
while
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 some oppose
art
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 as simply a product of imagination far away from reality.
This
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 essay agrees that
art
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 gives us reasons to live better.
This
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 essay will discuss both points of view.
One
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 main reason that
art
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 is important to people’s lives
life
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 is that it has the power to provoke feelings.
Art
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 acts as a means to help individuals
to
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apply
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tap into hidden emotions and transform them into artistic pieces.
This
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 will give a person the opportunity to express their nuances of feelings nonverbally. It is
therefore
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 agreed that artwork is a helpful tool for others to gain more insights about the world through
one
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’s looking glass. “Starry Night” by Van Gough is a prime example, which resonates with viewers on a deeply emotional level regardless of language and cultural barriers.
However
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, many
also
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 disagree and feel that
art
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 makes them less focused
in
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on
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 the present. Indeed,
life
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 has hardships a person has to deal with but sometimes they will gradually become weary and tend to give up
due to
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 emotional exhaustion.
Thus
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,
art
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 projects would be
one
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 creative source to help lift up their mental fortitude and
this
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 essay disagrees that
art
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 is a hindrance to people’s
life
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. A scientific example for
this
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 is that making
art
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 helps release dopamine which makes
one
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 feel good and gives a sense of accomplishment in order to boost
one
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's self-esteem and confidence.
While
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 the benefits of
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art- making
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art-making
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 enable people to have a deeper understanding of their emotions and improve mental health, some still argue that people should put more focus on practicalities.
Nevertheless
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, we should set clear boundaries between our imaginations and reality because
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at
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, at
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 the end of the day, fantasies know no bounds.

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task achievement
Consider improving the introduction by briefly summarizing both views before stating your opinion. It helps to set a clearer context for the reader.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure that each paragraph clearly relates back to your main thesis and contributes to the overall argument presented. Some transitions between points could be smoother.
task achievement
Ensure that you assign equal weight to both views in the body paragraphs. Expanding on the opposing side could provide a more balanced discussion.
coherence and cohesion
Work on concluding your essay more decisively, perhaps by reiterating your opinion more strongly to reinforce your stance.
task achievement
Your use of specific examples, such as 'Starry Night' by Van Gogh, effectively supports your argument and demonstrates a good understanding of the topic.
task achievement
You present a clear personal opinion regarding the value of art in our lives, which strengthens your overall argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • aesthetic
  • cathartic
  • cultural tapestry
  • expressionism
  • fleeting
  • introspection
  • monetary value
  • nostalgia
  • profound impact
  • socioeconomic
  • subjective perspective
  • visceral response
What to do next:
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