IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

It is important for everyone, including young people, to save money for their future. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Money
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 has become more crucial as the world become more modern. In fact, I strongly agree with those who feel that everyone has to save
money
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, even from a young
age
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 in order to prepare
a
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for a
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better future for two main reasons.
Firstly
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, saving
money
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 from a young
age
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 teaches teenagers to be more responsible with their finances.
This
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 means that they are taught to control themselves
not
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and not
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 to impulsively buy unimportant things.
Instead
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, they can use it for educational-related needs
such
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 as books, stationaries or online courses, which are necessary for them. These positive
habbits
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habits
 can
also
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 reduce their parents' financial burden by providing themselves with what they need with their own
money
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.
For instance
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, they may even save enough to buy other personal items
such
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 as clothes or gadgets without asking their parents to pay
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for it
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it
Correct pronoun usage
them
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.
Secondly
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, teenagers who are taught to save from a young
age
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 are likely to be more
discipline
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disciplined
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 in organizing their
money
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. In fact, many adults often struggle financially as they didn't learn saving habits earlier. By learning how to save earlier, they can manage their salary better in the future,
such
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 as monitoring their income and
outcome
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outcomes
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.
This
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 can help them to avoid financial problems, including unable to provide daily necessities and debts, which
also
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 make them to be more
independence
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independent
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.
Therefore
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, people
whoknow
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who know
 how to manage their
finance
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finances
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 may enjoy life without any stress or pressure. In conclusion, saving
money
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 from a young
age
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 not only
benefit
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benefits
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 their financial support
,
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apply
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 but
also
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build
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builds
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 life aspects
such
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 as responsibility, independence and discipline. I,
therefore
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, remain firmly convinced that teenagers should learn how to save their
money
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 from a young
age
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 for their future.

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Task Achievement
Consider using a clearer thesis statement in the introduction that summarises your main points more explicitly.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence to enhance the clarity of your main ideas.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use more varied vocabulary and complex sentence structures to enhance the sophistication of your writing.
Task Achievement
You demonstrate a good understanding of the importance of financial responsibility among young people.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is generally well-organized and follows a logical structure, which makes it easy to follow.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial security
  • safety net
  • unforeseen circumstances
  • emergencies
  • future investments
  • retirement planning
  • financial discipline
  • habit of saving
  • amassing wealth
  • substantial fund
  • opportunity cost
  • additional income
  • inflation
  • purchasing power
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