IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people fails in school, but ends up being successful in life. Why do you think that is the case? What is important things to succeed in life?

Few individuals do not pass in school but in later stages of
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life
Add a comma
life,
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 they
ends
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end
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 up gaining
the
Correct article usage
apply
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success. In
earlier
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an earlier
the earlier
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 stage of development, there are various reasons, bich mein hinder the growth and development of
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child
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the child
a child
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 and when these stumbling blocks are removed from their path, they often and upper succeeding in their
life
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.
First
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The first
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 and
for most
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foremost
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 cause of
this
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is
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apply
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scenario, is that
a
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apply
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students in classes are distinguished based on their intellect,
due to
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 which children cannot help setting limits for themselves, which leads to
the
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apply
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failure in exams and tests.
For example
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, if a
child
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 is differentiated as an average or below pillow average student
then
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 one will not be able to know his or her actual potential.
Secondly
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, pupils in educational
organisation
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organisations
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are tend
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tend
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 to focus more on theoretical
part
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parts
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 other than
hand on
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hands-on
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 practice or experience.
And even
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Even
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there
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their
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 real talent is ignored by teachers increasing academic
score
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scores
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, which
restricted
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restricts
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 a student
to work
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from working
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 on his talent in
growing
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the growing
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 years of his
life
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 cycle. Focusing on summer important shares to succeed in a
life
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, one can
a
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apply
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state that it is necessary to let a
child
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 explore his or her actual skill at age and
reason
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the reason
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 behind it is that a school is the place which helps students to work on
there
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their
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 on skills beside the curriculum is taught to them
sumul
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simul
 tenuously. It is equally crucial for
educational
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the educational
an educational
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 system to provide west of their resources in schools and colleges so that the younger wants can
a
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apply
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stimulate and utilise their energy to the area they actually want to work on.
For instance
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,
equiping
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equipping
the
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apply
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schools with professional trainers for
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the field
a field
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field
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fields
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is
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apply
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like gymnastics, swimming and other streams that can help our
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child
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children
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being
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be
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 successful in their later
age
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ages
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.
Overall
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, there are some valid grounds for the case, which lie in our surroundings only
specially
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especially
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 in schools but these can be fixed if not only a
child
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is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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set free
for choosing
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to choose
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 his priorities but
also
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 our system
provide
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provides
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 them
equal
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with equal
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 funds or objectives sources which can help them
enhancing
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enhance
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 their career goals.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure to structure your essay with clear paragraphs. Each paragraph should have a central idea that relates to the main topic.
task achievement
Try to avoid grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. For example, 'ends up gaining the success' can be simplified to 'ends up being successful'.
task achievement
Use more specific examples to support your points. Referencing real-life successful individuals who struggled in school could strengthen your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Be careful with word choices and spelling, as inaccuracies can create confusion. For instance, 'bich mein' seems like a typo; make sure to proofread your work.
task achievement
You presented a thoughtful perspective on the reasons behind educational failure and success later in life.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the question and provides insights into important factors for succeeding in life, which is crucial for task achievement.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • academic failure
  • learning styles
  • emotional intelligence
  • resilience
  • adaptability
  • entrepreneurial spirit
  • creativity
  • problem-solving
  • networking
  • interpersonal skills
  • opportunities
  • success stories
  • self-awareness
  • innovation
  • career development
What to do next:
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