Some people think that people in the modern world are more dependent on each other, while others think that people have become more independent. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Whether

people

Use synonyms

become more reliant on others or self-reliant bears some consideration. The essay contends that leaning on each other can get them professional development in job and networking opportunities in the workplace. It must be acknowledged that

Use synonyms

individuals

Add a verb

individuals are

individuals were

show examples

able to acquire new skills and knowledge from veteran employees.

In other words

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, these are the workers who have undergone different workplace cultures and already obtained a variety of skills

such

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as problem-solving abilities and cognitive thinking.

This

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diversity

also

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made those experienced

individuals

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adapt to various environments from the companies and industries.

For instance

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, many

individuals

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in Vietnam live with their friends and have enhanced their working skills significantly.

Therefore

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, living with these

people

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can benefit most

individuals

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On the contrary

Linking Words

, some

people

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believe that the independence

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individuals

Change preposition

of individuals

show examples

has increased

due to

Linking Words

the autonomy they have. Simply put, high job autonomy allows these

people

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to make decisions and manage their work with minimal supervision.

However

Linking Words

, their solitary mindset had set them apart from the ability to enjoy things in life with everyone else, eventually leading to friendlessness and lack of collaboration.

For example

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, big companies like Google have high expectations and ambitious projects that could affect those who prefer working alone.

Hence

Linking Words

, they will be burned out in their work. The writers's opinion advocates that by leaning on vet workers can support

individuals

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in career networking. To be more specific, they can have some informal interactions

such

Linking Words

as coffee breaks or project collaborations which can establish rapport with many

people

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from different departments. Not only having more rapport but

also

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fostering career growth chances. Like Apple where their main focus is collaboration, innovation and continuous learning that impact their future projects.

As a result

Linking Words

, these can drastically influence

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individuals

Change noun form

individuals'

individual's

show examples

efficiency and productivity during their work. In conclusion, despite being independent provides

individuals

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to be autonomous, occupation development and professional connections are criteria worth considering.

AE Gay lordThu May 15 2025

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task achievement

Your introduction presents the topic but could be clearer in outlining the two perspectives you will discuss. Consider rephrasing to explicitly state that you'll analyze both views before presenting your opinion.

coherence and cohesion

While your essay has a logical flow, some transitions between ideas could be improved for better coherence. Adding linking phrases would help guide the reader through your arguments.

coherence and cohesion

Be careful with grammatical constructions; for example, 'the independence individuals has increased' should be 'the independence individuals have increased'. Small grammatical errors can affect clarity and the overall impression of your writing.

task achievement

You provided relevant examples, such as the mention of Google and Apple, to support your points about workplace collaboration and individual autonomy. This adds depth to your argument.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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12
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

314 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

interdependence
globalization
technological advancements
collective action
digital evolution
minimal reliance
direct interaction
empowered
access to technology
societal expectations
personal choice
leverage

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Some people think that people in the modern world are more dependent on each other, while others think that people have become more independent. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Your opinion

Some celebrities are famous because of their wealth and glamour. Some people believe they can set a bad example for young people. Do you agree or disagree?

Many people believe that media coverage of celebrities is having a negative effect on children. To what extent do you agree?

Scientific research should be funded by governments rather than commercial organizations. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people fail in school, but end up being successful in life. Why do you think that is the case? What is the most important thing to succeed in life?