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Writing Samples
Band 5

Learning English language at school is often seen as more important than learning local languages. If these are not taught, many are at risk of dying out. In your opinion, is it important for everyone to learn English? Should we try to ensure the survival of local language and, if so, how?

Recent decades have seen an increasingly growing trend toward studying foreign languages.
While
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 offering certain benefits,
such
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 as the convenience of communicating with representatives from other countries, being so deeply involved in one subject is
nevertheless
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 fraught with pitfalls.
This
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 essay will try to shed some light on both sides of the debate, before expressing my own point of view. On the one hand, those considering knowledge as a main advantage, leading to success in the future, have numerous advocates with their weighty arguments. Indeed, it is crucial that children be well educated
,
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while
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 speaking a foreign language is all about wide opportunities. Those individuals are most likely to find themselves discovering new measures of
this
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 world,
as well as
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, employers are bound to be favourably disposed to achievement and versatile students.
On the other hand
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, the position of those regarding English as the main culprit behind the neglect of their native language
,
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also
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 merits every consideration. Hardly had the importance of English proficiency been recognized, when people started prioritizing them as essential components for success.
Although
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 dominating in the world culture, the popularity of learning languages frequently missed other essential
knowledges
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knowledge
pieces of knowledge
bits of knowledge
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to render
made
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making
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 all efforts to the educational process doomed to failure. Despite my peers engaging with American TV shows, it is by no means enough to close the gap between their unsuccessful in understanding other fields. Suffice it to recall my own experience of growing up in a family that believed the more languages you know, the higher your level of education will be.
As a result
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, I not only failed to learn any of them perfectly, but it
also
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 reflected badly on my native one. All the above mentioned have brought me to the conclusion that mandatory language learning is most likely to be a double-edged sword.
While
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 tempting to consider that English is expected to improve
overall
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 academic performance, it could be doomed to fail with your first. Only by striking a happy medium between learning
of
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all subjects can we maintain
overall
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 success.

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Task Achievement
The essay addresses the topic but lacks a clear thesis statement in the introduction, making it less precise. The points made are somewhat relevant, but could be more developed and supported with specific examples.
Coherence and Cohesion
Some paragraphs contain unclear connections between sentences, and the essay may benefit from clearer topic sentences to help guide the reader through the argument.
Task Achievement
While the ideas presented are interesting, they require more elaboration and concrete examples to illustrate the points effectively. Ensure each point is fully explained.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay presents a balanced view, acknowledging both perspectives on the importance of learning English versus local languages, which shows critical thinking.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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