IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Today children are surrounded by electronic devices such as personal computers, tablet computers, and smart phones, and they learn to use them at a very early age. What are advantages and disadvantages of this situation?

One of the widely discussed problems nowadays is that
government
Correct article usage
the government
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 encountered an issue with construction housing suitable for living for their growing citizens,
however
Linking Words
 still
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
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make an effort to protect ecology. It is undeniable that
people
Use synonyms
 need housing, but the increasing amount of it has a harmful effect on the environment. Growing residents demand more housing
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 because more
people
Use synonyms
 need places to live. Each person or family needs a home, so as
a
Change the article
the
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 number of
people
Use synonyms
 increases, the demand for houses and apartments
also
Linking Words
 rises.
This
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also
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 means that more infrastructure, like schools, hospitals, and roads, is needed to support
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this residential areas
Change the determiner
this residential area
these residential areas
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, Without enough housing, overcrowding can happen,
hosing
Correct your spelling
housing
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 prices can increase and living conditions can become worse.
However
Linking Words
,
this
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 housing and infrastructure may come at the
coast
Correct your spelling
cost
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 of our ecosystem.
This
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 may cause deforestation, air pollution , the greenhouse effect, ozone layer depletion , and ecosystem destruction.
For example
Linking Words
, in an attempt to produce construction materials, factories will have to work more, which means greater emissions of harmful gases.
Additionally
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, in order to build new houses, natural landscapes will have to be destroyed to make space for residential development.
This
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 means, that
while
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 providing housing for a growing population is necessary, it often comes with serious environmental costs. From increased air pollution caused by factories to the destruction of natural landscapes, governments must find a balance between development and sustainability. I believe that
this
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 problem can be reduced to some extent if governments take proper action. By investing in green technologies, promoting sustainable building materials, and encouraging eco-friendly construction practices, it is possible to meet housing needs without causing severe harm to the environment.
Although
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 the challenge is serious, careful planning and innovation can help balance development and environmental protection. In conclusion, the need for more housing causes problems for the environment, like pollution and damage to nature.
However
Linking Words
, I believe
this
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 problem can be made smaller if governments take action. By using eco-friendly materials and better building methods, it is possible to give
people
Use synonyms
 homes and still protect the planet. With good planning, both goals can be reached.

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Task Achievement
Consider improving the introduction to more clearly outline the main points that will be discussed in the essay.
Task Achievement
Ensure that all points are thoroughly supported with specific examples or evidence to strengthen your arguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
While your paragraph structure is generally clear, try to use a wider range of cohesive devices to enhance the flow of your essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Some sentences could be clearer if rephrased or simplified to improve readability. Consider varying sentence structure to maintain reader interest.
Task Achievement
You have addressed both advantages and disadvantages of housing development adequately, making your essay relevant to the topic.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points, reinforcing your stance on the importance of balancing housing needs and environmental protection.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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