IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Few young people are leaving their homes from rural areas to study and work in cities. What are the reasons? Do advantages of this development outweigh its disadvantages?

People
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 leave their homes in the countryside because they want to go to a better school, get a better job and have a nicer life. But most
people
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 don’t consider problems
about
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with
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 food. When young
people
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 move out of the rural areas, they leave their elders to live and farm in the countryside alone, making it hard to provide food for every person in the world. And if more
people
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 move into urban areas, cities would have to expand, leaving little space to farm.
Inorder
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In order
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 to expand,
people
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 would have to cut down forests or remove farmland. Trees provide oxygen and reduce the amount of carbon dioxide, so cutting greenery would be terrible. Even if
people
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 expand towards the countryside, there would be less land for agriculture.

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task response
The introduction could clarify the two parts of the question more explicitly. Make sure to state the reasons young people leave rural areas before discussing the advantages and disadvantages.
task response
Consider adding more specific examples or details to support your points, especially regarding the impacts of urban migration on rural communities and city expansions.
coherence cohesion
Improve the transition between ideas to enhance the logical flow. For instance, clearly connect the reasons for leaving rural areas to the consequences mentioned later.
coherence cohesion
Develop a clearer conclusion that summarizes your main points and explicitly states your opinion on whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
task response
You have identified some relevant points regarding urban migration and its impact on food production and the environment.
task response
Your writing shows an awareness of both sides of the issue, which is essential for discussing advantages and disadvantages.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Migration
  • Urbanization
  • Educational institutions
  • Job prospects
  • Wages
  • Economic growth
  • Cultural exchange
  • Overpopulation
  • Cost of living
  • Rural depopulation
  • Social isolation
  • Traditional values
  • Personal growth
  • Recreational activities
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