IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some countries achieve international sports by building specialised facilities to train top athletes, instead of providing sports facilities that everyone can use. Do you think this is positive or negative development?

Nowadays countries are developing new
facilities
Use synonyms
 for top
athletes
Use synonyms
 to improve their performers,
however
Linking Words
, some
people
Use synonyms
 think it should be for public use , i will discuss both of these views in
this
Linking Words
 essay and give my opinion The main reason for countries building
facilities
Use synonyms
 for
athletes
Use synonyms
 is ,nowadays, need a good environment to improve their performance, and specific
playground
Fix the agreement mistake
playgrounds
show examples
 or equipment to increase their abilities to compete with other
athletes
Use synonyms
 from around the world ,
for instance
Linking Words
, some of the matches of football where's players from different world play with each other and that requires high-intensity training and good
facilities
Use synonyms
 , there is advantage about
this
Linking Words
 topic is could bring money to the country to attract visitors.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
 the other hand , some
people
Use synonyms
 think they should build more
facilities
Use synonyms
 for public use , which could help to improve the lifestyle of the
people
Use synonyms
for instance
Linking Words
, it could bring some
facilities
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as a basketball field or football field and encourage
people
Use synonyms
 to go there to play and make the health is way much batter for the
people
Use synonyms
 who live there, and there is a disadvantage for
this
Linking Words
for example
Linking Words
. If there are small
people
Use synonyms
 in the city and too many
facilities
Use synonyms
 some of them will be abandoned for fewer
people
Use synonyms
 that using them. In conclusion, I believe that both of these views are important for both
athletes
Use synonyms
 and for
public
Correct article usage
the public
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 ,
although
Linking Words
 if it's there enough
facilities
Use synonyms
 for
people
Use synonyms
 that they can use ,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 strongly agree with the first opinion.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence and cohesion
Try to structure your essay with clearer paragraphing, ensuring each paragraph contains a single main idea. Consider starting each paragraph with a topic sentence that outlines the main point.
task achievement
Make sure to elaborate on your points more fully for better clarity. Each idea should be explained and developed clearly, connecting them back to your main argument.
language accuracy
Improve grammatical accuracy, specifically subject-verb agreements and the use of appropriate articles (e.g., 'the' vs. no article).
task achievement
The essay touches on both sides of the argument, showing an understanding of the topic.
task achievement
You have made an attempt to provide examples to support your points, which is a good approach.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • specialised facilities
  • train top athletes
  • international sports
  • boost
  • reputation
  • attract
  • sporting events
  • access
  • general public
  • inequality
  • opportunities
  • overemphasis
  • elite sports
  • neglect
  • grassroots development
What to do next:
Look at other essays: