IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people say that parents should organise free time activities for their childrens.Other says children should be free to choose what they want to do in their free time. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

People have different viewpoints about organizing free
time
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activities
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 for
children
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. some support these
to be
Change the verb form
being
show examples
 controlled by
parents
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,
while
Linking Words
 others are in favour of giving
freedom
Correct pronoun usage
them freedom
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 to choose how they want to spend their free
time
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. In my opinion, a balanced approach is most beneficial for their regard. on the one hand, those who support
parents
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to plan
Change preposition
in planning
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 the free
time
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 of
children
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 argue that it is
due to
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 a lack of maturity in young ones.
In other words
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, if
children
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 are not supervised by their
parents
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,
children
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 may spend prolonged hours watching television,
scrolling
Correct word choice
and scrolling
show examples
 social media, but
parents
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 can add more useful
activities
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,
such
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 as sports, to their schedule, which might help them get involved in physical
activities
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.
thus
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, it ensures that it would help in their
overall
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 development.
However
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, as per critics, allowing
children
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 to spend their free
time
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 as per their choice can bring hidden talent to light, which may remain unexplored. If
children
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 are restricted to the fixed plans, which are organised by their
parents
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.
For example
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,
children
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 who have a
god gifted
Add a hyphen
god-gifted
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 talent for painting may suffer, because their
parents
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 might not be adding painting to their free
time
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activities
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. It
also
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 led to a lack of interest and motivation. In my opinion, the supervision and guidance of
parents
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 are certainly important, but they should make sure not to compel the young ones into a specific hobby.
Instead
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,
children
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 should be provided enough space to explore different options on their own.
This
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 could foster creativity and a sense of independence,
along with
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 gradually teaching them the difference between right and wrong through their own experiences. In conclusion,
parents
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 can indeed guide
children
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 towards more productive
activities
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, but it is
also
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 important to consider
their
Change the word
the
show examples
 preferences and passions of
children
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 to support their
overall
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 development.

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Task Achievement
Consider providing more specific examples that illustrate your points. For instance, using data, studies, or personal anecdotes could strengthen your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Make sure to vary your sentence structures to enhance the flow and coherence of your writing.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure the use of proper punctuation and capitalization, such as capitalizing the first letter of each sentence.
Task Achievement
Your essay presents a balanced view on the topic, addressing both sides effectively and incorporating your opinion nicely.
Coherence and Cohesion
You have structured your essay logically, which helps guide the reader through your arguments clearly.
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