IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

You have been working in a company for the last two years. Recently, your computer in the office has started giving some problems and it is affecting your work performance. I Write a letter to your manager. In your letter, describe the problem explain how it is affecting your work write what you want him to do regarding it You do NOT need to write any addresses. Begin your letter as follows:

Dear Mr. Bob, I am writing to you to draw your attention to some issues with my office's
computer
Use synonyms
. I
had
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 been using the
computer
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the
last
Linking Words
 two
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
show examples
 and never had any
issue
Fix the agreement mistake
issues
show examples
 until now.  The
computer
Use synonyms
 feels very laggy,
sluggish
Correct word choice
and sluggish
show examples
 and some apps can
stops
Change the verb form
stop
show examples
 when used.
For example
Linking Words
, when I was writing a letter to a customer
last
Linking Words
 week using Microsoft Word, it suddenly closed without any warning and all of my progress had been deleted from the file.
This
Linking Words
 disrupts my productivity and I need to write everything from the start again.
As a result
Linking Words
, it could take a whole day of reporting
into
Change preposition
to
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
drain.
It
Correct pronoun usage
I
show examples
 would be grateful if you could arrange to get a replacement for my
computer
Use synonyms
 with the latest technology and software. In order to prevent any recurrence, it would be better if there
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 an annual update of the
computer
Use synonyms
. Resolving
this
Linking Words
 issue will help me increase my productivity in the office. Thank you very much for your
undestanding
Correct your spelling
understanding
 and attention to
this
Linking Words
 matter. I look forward to your reply. Kind regards, Chris

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task achievement
Consider making your introduction more concise by reducing extra wording. For instance, instead of "I am writing to you to draw your attention to some issues with my office's computer," you could say, "I am writing to bring to your attention some issues with my office computer."
coherence
Try to group related ideas together more clearly. You could separate your explanation of how the issue affects your work into its own paragraph to enhance the flow. This will strengthen your argument and improve readability.
coherence
Pay attention to minor grammatical issues, such as changing "could take a whole day of reporting into a drain" to "could waste a whole day's work." This will help convey your message more effectively.
task achievement
You provided a clear explanation of the problem and included a relevant example, which adds credibility to your letter.
task achievement
The overall tone of your letter is polite and appropriate for a workplace setting, which is commendable.
coherence
Your use of 'Kind regards' at the end provides a warm closure to your letter, enhancing your message's overall tone.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Technical difficulties
  • Productivity
  • Deadlines
  • Software glitches
  • Upgrading
  • Hardware malfunction
  • Work disruption
  • Commitment
  • Swift action
  • Consulting
  • Thorough checkup
  • Resolving
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