IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Many people believe that children who grow up in a poor family will have preparation for adult's problems in daily lives, while this is not true for ones living in rich conditions. To what extent, do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, many young teenagers are facing adult problems in their daily lives, especially those who are born into a low-economy family. Meanwhile,
children
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 who grow up in a high-economy family only need to be focused on their studies. Personally, I totally agree with the statement that
children
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 from poor
families
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 need to be prepared to face adult problems in their daily
life
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lives
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.
Firstly
Linking Words
, parents from
a
Correct article usage
apply
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poor
family
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families
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 tends to work all day long with a low income.
Therefore
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, it is impossible for them to hire a nanny or put their
children
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 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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daycare. Because of that, the oldest
children
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 in that family need to give a hand to take care of other siblings.
For instance
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, help to feed the baby or clean the house.
Thus
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,
youngster
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youngsters
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 are not able to play with their friends like
kids
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 from a rich family.
Secondly
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, rich
children
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 of course not need to think about school fees.
On the other hand
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,
kids
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 from poor environments need to find a way to get extra money to help their parents to pay the tuition fee.
For example
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, some youngsters might do some job in the school in the afternoon or work in restaurants. They need to start to think about how to get more money. In conclusion, youngsters from high-income
families
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 might get more
privilege
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privileges
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instead
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 of
children
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 from low-income
families
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. It is agreed that
kids
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 who grow up in poor
families
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 need to face
adult's
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adult
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 problems.
However
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, it might make the youngsters mature faster than other
kids
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.

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task achievement
Work on providing more specific examples and details to strengthen your arguments. This will help the reader understand the greater implications of your points.
coherence and cohesion
Pay attention to sentence structure and grammar to enhance clarity. Some sentences were a bit awkward and could be improved for better readability.
task achievement
Try to balance your arguments and counterarguments more. Acknowledging the opposing view could make your position stronger and demonstrate a more nuanced understanding of the topic.
task achievement
You clearly state your agreement and provide reasons, which helps convey your opinion effectively.
coherence and cohesion
The structure of your essay is logical, with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion.
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