IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many museums and historical sites are mainly visited by tourists but not local people. Why is this the case and what can be done to attract more local people to visit these places?

Today, more
tourists
Use synonyms
 usually visit
museums
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 and historical
sites
Use synonyms
 than local
people
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. From my point of view, I think
this
Linking Words
 is a critical
developments
Change the noun form
development
show examples
 Many
museums
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 and historical
sites
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 often attract more
tourists
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 than local
residents
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. The reason is
Tourists
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 are usually looking for new things to see and learn about when they travel. Their trip often includes going to
museums
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 and historical
sites
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. They must see or hear something about something and when they travel they want to go to that place to see it.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, local
residents
Use synonyms
 may see that place so many times
and
Correct word choice
that
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 they are not interested
with
Change preposition
in
show examples
 that. The
tourists
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 would be more curious because
this
Linking Words
 is the first time they see it. Local
people
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 might be busy with their work and family, they do not have time or they feel it is not necessary to go. Some
people
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 go there one time to know and they do not feel
interesting
Replace the word
interested
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 leads to
they
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 never
come it
Wrong verb form
coming
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 again. To get more
people
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 to go to
museums
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 and historical
sites
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, they must have events for them that are really interesting for local
people
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. For student, school and their parents need to teach them about history and culture and they need to know it. The government should pay attention to
this
Linking Words
 problem and encourage
people
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 to explore their country. Some events like showing arts, the music of
museums
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 and historical exhibitions may attract more local
people
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. Vietnamese revolutionary Ho Chi Minh said
:
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 need to know their history. In conclusion, more local
residents
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 need to go to
museums
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 and historical
sites
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. It is really important that local
people
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 need to know their culture. The
guest
Fix the agreement mistake
guests
show examples
 of
museums
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 and historical
sites
Use synonyms
 must
are
Wrong verb form
be
show examples
 local
residents
Use synonyms
than
Rephrase
rather than
show examples
tourist
Fix the agreement mistake
tourists
show examples
.

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task achievement
Try to clarify the introduction to better outline your viewpoint. It's essential to provide a clear thesis statement that reflects the main points you'll discuss.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph flows logically from one to another. Use linking words and phrases to make connections between ideas clearer.
task achievement
Work on providing specific examples to support your points. This can strengthen your argument and demonstrate your understanding of the topic more effectively.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the topic and reflects your perspective on the issue.
task achievement
You've attempted to explain why tourists visit more than locals, which is a relevant point to the question.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Take for granted
  • Economical constraints
  • Routine obligations
  • Programming
  • Cater
  • Engagement
  • Community involvement
  • Personal connection
  • Cultural relevance
  • Discounts
  • Sense of ownership
  • Interactive exhibits
  • Local traditions
  • Field trips
  • Cultural bond
What to do next:
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