IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Using a computer every day can have more negative than positive effects on your children. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

There is no denying the fact that the affective of
computers
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 has positive and negative impacts.
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While it
Correct word choice
It
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 is a commonly held belief that the
disadvantage
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disadvantages
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is
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are
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 more than
advantages
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the advantages
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on
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of
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 using a computer every day. There is
also
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 an argument that opposes it. In my opinion,
i
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I
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 consider that the
negative
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negatives
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 of using a computer are more common
the
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than the
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 positive effects
To begin
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 with, the child does not know the limit of the power that he has.
In other words
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, the computer gives you an opportunity to speak with strangers, and
that is
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 crucial things because that may affect your mind.
In addition
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, most of the families do not have an awareness of the benefits of using
computers
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.
For example
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,
the
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apply
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children will spend most of their time playing and watching on their PC, and won't get the full knowledge of
computers
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 Another point to consider, nowadays kids will not go outside. it is
also
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 possible to say that, kids nowadays are becoming fatter and unhealthy because of the amount of time they are sitting and not doing any activity affects their health.
Moreover
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, parents will know a little bit about their children.
For instance
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,
the
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apply
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disconnection
that
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apply
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happens because
of
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apply
show examples
parents do not see and know
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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a
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the
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 child more and they will
affected
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be affected
affect
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in
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apply
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the kid personally. In conclusion, despite people having
a different views
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different views
a different view
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, I believe that the disadvantage of
computers
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 is a lot and without full awareness of the kids from the family it will be harder to control the future of the child

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task achievement
Clarify your position more distinctly in the introduction to strengthen your thesis statement.
coherence and cohesion
Use a more varied vocabulary and grammar structures to enhance the overall quality of writing.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure clearer connections between ideas, especially in body paragraphs, to improve the flow of the essay.
task achievement
You present a clear opinion on the issue, which is essential for task completion.
task achievement
You provide reasons to support your opinion, showing an attempt to develop your argument.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Screen time
  • Sedentary lifestyle
  • Physical inactivity
  • Cognitive development
  • Internet addiction
  • Cyberbullying
  • Inappropriate content
  • Digital literacy
  • Virtual learning environments
  • Parental controls
  • Moderation
  • Online safety
  • Tech-savvy
  • E-learning
  • Information technology
  • Eye strain
  • Social skills
  • Multitasking
  • Interactive education
  • Health repercussions
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