Some people say that advertising encourages us to buy things that we really do not need. Others say that advertisement tell us about new product that may improve our lives. Which view do you agree or disagree?

Advertising
some times
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sometimes
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encourages us to buy things we really do not need. But
Use synonyms
advertisement
Fix the agreement mistake
advertisements
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may tell us about new products that may improve our lives, in
this
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essay I will review my own opinion.
Firstly
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, we can take
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advertisement
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advertisements
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in
way
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the way
a way
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we need, and
also
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we can control
our self's
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ourselves
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to not buy anything
that is
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shown on social
media's
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media
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.
Secondly
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, influencers always forced to make new
contents
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content
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, because it is their business, but when it
is comes
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comes
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to the audience they must
knew
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know
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what they really need, and not
following
Wrong verb form
follow
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all the content they see.
For example
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when there is an
advertisement
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in any social media about a new vacuum, and the people who are interested in
this
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usually have needs for
this
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type of
things
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thing
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. But when it
is comes
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comes
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to random things like dress or clothing, it must have control from the audience.
To conclude
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,
evryone
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everyone
must have enough awareness about the ways of
advertisement
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, and more control by asking questions about the product they may need until they get surely and enough information about the needs of what they saw on the social network.

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Task Response
Try to improve your introduction by clearly stating your position. For example, you might say, 'In my opinion, advertising not only informs us about useful products but also leads us to purchase unnecessary items.'
Coherence and Cohesion
Make sure your sentences are grammatically correct. For instance, 'self's' should be 'selves' and 'advertisement' should be 'advertising' when used as a general term.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use clearer transitions between your points to enhance the flow of your essay. Phrases like 'Firstly,' 'Additionally,' and 'In conclusion,' can help guide the reader through your argument.
Task Achievement
You provided a balanced view by acknowledging both perspectives on advertising.
Task Achievement
Your examples, such as the vacuum cleaner, effectively relate to your main points about needs and consumer awareness.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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