IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

The percentage of overweight children in western countries has increased by almost 20% in the last ten years. Discuss the possible causes and effects of this disturbing trend and offer a solution.

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Introduction
There is
widespread
Add an article
a widespread
the widespread
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 ideology that fat kids in
western
Capitalize word
Western
show examples
Correct your spelling
countries
counteris
Correct your spelling
countries
 it is
rose
Wrong verb form
risen
show examples
 20
percentage
Replace the word
per cent
show examples
 in the
last
Linking Words
 ten years there seem to be main issues involved and a variety of potential which are discussed here
Body · 1
Theere
Correct your spelling
There
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 several key reasons why obesity has emerged as a significant
problems
Correct the article-noun agreement
problem
show examples
.One of the primary
cause
Fix the agreement mistake
causes
show examples
 is a lifestyle. Technology especially playing games makes
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 lazy for
instence
Correct your spelling
instance
 the
children
Use synonyms
 who is
life
Replace the word
live
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in
Change preposition
on
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 beaches or
Change preposition
on island
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island
Fix the agreement mistake
islands
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 more
protective
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protected
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 from obisty . Another important point the junk
food
Use synonyms
this
Linking Words
factors
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factor
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 leads
tp
Correct your spelling
to
show examples
obisty
Correct your spelling
obesity
 and several
health
Use synonyms
 diseases they
eating
Wrong verb form
eat
show examples
 more fast
food
Use synonyms
 and in their daily lives
Correct your spelling
even
evem
Correct your spelling
even
 parents should
also
Linking Words
giving
Wrong verb form
give
show examples
 more
Correct your spelling
preference
prefence
Correct your spelling
preference
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 eating
food
Use synonyms
 outside
Body · 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
 issue
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
several effective
solution
Change to a plural noun
solutions
show examples
 can be
do
Verb problem
found
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it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
one is
make
Fix the infinitive
to make
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 the
children
Use synonyms
 do physical activities
Correct word choice
and .keep
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.keep
Correct your spelling
keep
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 mobile
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
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due to
Linking Words
detrimental
Correct article usage
the detrimental
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 impact
using
Change preposition
of using
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 mobile
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
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 on their mental
health
Use synonyms
 and eyes.
This
Linking Words
 would be particularly effective as it
lessons
Correct your spelling
lessens
show examples
 the usage of mobile
Correct your spelling
phone
phones
phine
Correct your spelling
phones
 in daily life
Conclusion
In
conclusion
Add a comma
conclusion,
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 being overweight in
children
Use synonyms
gain
Verb problem
apply
show examples
is from fast
food
Use synonyms
 and higher use internet and video
game
Fix the agreement mistake
games
show examples
 and has
leed
Correct your spelling
led
show examples
poor
Change preposition
to poor
show examples
 mental
health
Use synonyms
however
Linking Words
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
implementing
Add an article
a solution
show examples
solution
Fix the agreement mistake
solutions
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as more
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
physical activities and awareness about fast
food
Use synonyms
 will impact the
health
Use synonyms

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coherence and cohesion
Your essay addresses the topic but could be clearer in organizing your ideas. Try to create distinct paragraphs for each point you want to discuss, including a clear introduction and conclusion.
task achievement
Clarify your sentences and ensure proper grammar to enhance clarity. For example, avoid phrases like 'is rose' and ensure the correct form of 'obesity.'
task achievement
Include more specific examples to support your main points. For instance, you could mention statistics on physical activities or specific types of junk food that contribute to obesity.
task achievement
You have identified significant causes of overweight in children, like junk food and sedentary lifestyles, which is a good starting point for discussing the issue.
Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • nutritional value
  • screen time
  • socio-economic factors
  • chronic diseases
  • self-esteem
  • bullying
  • financial burden
  • promote healthy eating
  • physical activity
  • whole grains
  • education and awareness
  • policy and regulation
  • subsidies
  • fast food
  • obesity-related conditions
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