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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The table shows data about underground railway systems in six major cities with date opened, kilometres of route and passenger numbers per year in millions.

The table shows data about underground railway systems in six major cities with date opened, kilometres of route and passenger numbers per year in millions.
The table compares data about
underground
Correct article usage
the underground
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railway
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
system
Fix the agreement mistake
systems
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 in six of the main cities of the world-
London
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,
Paris
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, Tokyo, Washington DC,
Kyoto
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 and Los
Angolos
Correct your spelling
Angeles
. The
compration
Correct your spelling
completion
competition
 based on when they opened, how many
kilometers
Change the spelling
kilometres
show examples
 of
route
Add an article
the route
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 the railways are offered and the number of
user
Fix the agreement mistake
users
show examples
 per year.
Overall
Linking Words
, the oldest one is
London
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 followed by
Paris
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 and
also
Linking Words
according to
Linking Words
kilometers
Change the spelling
kilometres
show examples
,
London
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 and
Paris
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 are the
most long
Change the adjective
longest
show examples
 cities.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, we can see that
underground
Correct article usage
the underground
show examples
railway
Use synonyms
system
Use synonyms
 of Tokyo is the most used by passengers.
According to
Linking Words
 data
opened
Verb problem
apply
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, Londen opened in 1863, which is more than 30 years before the next one. In 1990,
Correct article usage
an
show examples
underground
railway
Use synonyms
system
Use synonyms
opend
Correct your spelling
opened
opens
open
 in
Paris
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.
Whereas
Linking Words
 the newest
contries
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countries
 are
Kyoto
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 and Los
Angolos
Correct your spelling
Angeles
 where
Kyoto
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 started
this
Linking Words
system
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 in 1981, and Los
Angolos
Correct your spelling
Angeles
 started
ot
Correct your spelling
it
 in 2001. For the
numbers
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number
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 of
kilometers
Change the spelling
kilometres
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 that these railways covered, the
logest
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longest
largest
railway
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 is in
London
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 with 394 km
while
Linking Words
 the
shortedt
Correct your spelling
shortest
shorted
 one
in
Add a missing verb
is in
show examples
Kyoto
Use synonyms
woth
Correct your spelling
with
 only 11 km. It is noticeable that their
used
Change the form of the verb
use
show examples
is
Verb problem
does
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 not depend on
ther
Correct your spelling
their
 length
therfore
Correct your spelling
therefore
, in Tokyo, about 1928
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
million people use
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railway
Correct article usage
the railway
show examples
 followed by 1991 passengers in
Paris
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, there is a tiny
diffrence
Correct your spelling
difference
 between their passengers' numbers.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "according to".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words railway, system, london, paris, kyoto with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "data" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • underground railway system
  • chronologically
  • significance
  • correlation
  • discrepancies
  • outliers
  • extensive network
  • limited network
  • urban sprawl
  • efficiency
  • hypothesize
  • passenger numbers
  • kilometres of route
  • date opened
  • major cities
  • data analysis
  • comparative analysis
  • historical context
  • speculate
  • potential causes
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