IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Too much emphasis is given for education of the young. More government money should be spent to freetime activity of young people. What extent do you agree or disagree?

There is an
exisiting
Correct your spelling
existing
 debate
whether
Change preposition
about whether
show examples
Use synonyms
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 should keep spending on
education
Use synonyms
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the young or spend more money for young
people
Use synonyms
 to have more
Use synonyms
freetime
Correct your spelling
free time
activity
Fix the agreement mistake
activities
show examples
. I agree more
on
Change preposition
with
show examples
 the latter that
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 could consider
rearrange
Wrong verb form
rearranging
show examples
 the allocation for formal
education
Use synonyms
 and
spend
Wrong verb form
spending
show examples
 more
Use synonyms
freetime
Correct word choice
on free
show examples
activities
Use synonyms
 which
also
Linking Words
 has the
education
Use synonyms
 outcome on the options by blending it.
Education
Use synonyms
 nowadays, especially in developing
country
Fix the agreement mistake
countries
show examples
,
still
Add a missing verb
is still
show examples
 heavily linked to a formal
institutition
Correct your spelling
institution
 that has
image
Add an article
an image
the image
show examples
 of 'restriction' and has pressured young
people
Use synonyms
instead
Linking Words
 of a place to learn and develop
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
these youths.
Hence
Linking Words
 it makes them feel stressed and leads to
lose
Change the verb form
losing
show examples
 the essency of
education
Use synonyms
 itself. They get the
education
Use synonyms
 to achieve scores.
Therefore
Linking Words
, spending more on
education
Use synonyms
 (in
term
Fix the agreement mistake
terms
show examples
 of formal
education
Use synonyms
) might be useless now.
In addition
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 tend to love
activity
Fix the agreement mistake
activities
show examples
 that can give them
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 freedom to enhance their creativity. With
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon, the
government
Use synonyms
 should plan to wrap the
education
Use synonyms
 outcome on more
Use synonyms
freetime
Correct your spelling
free time
activities
Use synonyms
 by giving more
faciliations
Correct your spelling
facilitations
 and options of
activities
Use synonyms
.
Due to
Linking Words
 the plan,
Use synonyms
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 should spend more
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 these
Use synonyms
freetime
Correct your spelling
free time
activites
Correct your spelling
activities
 and
facilitations
Replace the word
facilities
show examples
.
To conclude
Linking Words
, with the condition of young
people
Use synonyms
 who feel
education
Use synonyms
 has subtle effectiveness,
Use synonyms
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 could reallocate the budget for facilitating
preffered
Correct your spelling
preferred
activities
Use synonyms
 by youngsters
while
Linking Words
 still keeping the
education
Use synonyms
 outcome.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
Clarify your main ideas more distinctly and develop them further to provide a clearer argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Improve transitions between ideas to enhance the flow of your argument and connect your thoughts more seamlessly.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that your topic sentences clearly outline what each paragraph will discuss to guide the reader.
Task Achievement
The essay addresses an important and relevant topic, which shows engagement with the issue.
Coherence and Cohesion
There is a clear stance taken in your argument which is consistent throughout the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
    What to do next:
    Look at other essays: