IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The chart below shows the different levels of post-school qualifications in Australia and the proportion of men and women who held them in 1999. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows the different levels of post-school qualifications in Australia and the proportion of men and women who held them in 1999. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
The bar chart
illustrate
Change the verb form
illustrates
show examples
 the proportion of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 who have
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
different certificates in 1999 in Australia state.
Overall
Linking Words
 it is evident that the
Correct your spelling
men
show examples
mans
Correct your spelling
man
show examples
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 highest than
girls
Use synonyms
 in the skilled vocational degree it was 70
Use synonyms
percentage
Replace the word
per cent
show examples
 of the proportion of
students
Use synonyms
.
Correct your spelling
while
while
Linking Words
 the
Girls
Use synonyms
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
lowset
Correct your spelling
lower
show examples
 than
Use synonyms
man's
Change noun form
men
show examples
 it was 10
Use synonyms
percentage
Replace the word
per cent
show examples
According to
Linking Words
 what is shown in the charts of the
students
Use synonyms
. The
mans
Correct your spelling
men
show examples
 who
have
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
master
Change noun form
master's
show examples
 degree
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 more than
girls
Use synonyms
 it was 60
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of
man
Use synonyms
's pupils in Australia
1999
Change preposition
in 1999
show examples
.
while
Linking Words
 the
girls
Use synonyms
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
upward
Add an article
an upward
show examples
 trend in
Correct article usage
the bachelor
show examples
bachelor
Change noun form
bachelor's
show examples
degree
Fix the agreement mistake
degrees
show examples
 was slightly highest than
Use synonyms
man's
Change the noun form
men
man
show examples
 was 50
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
also
Linking Words
 the was 45
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of
students
Use synonyms
 .
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
girls
Use synonyms
 have a higher level
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 undergraduate
students
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
than
Use synonyms
man's
Change the noun form
men
man
show examples
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
70
Use synonyms
percentage
Replace the word
per cent
show examples
and
Use synonyms
man's
Change the noun form
men
man
show examples
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
35
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 that
consider
Change the verb form
considers
show examples
 it was more than half . In
other important point
Change the wording
another important point
other important points
show examples
 of
issue
Add an article
the issue
an issue
show examples
 the
mans
Change to a genitive case
man's
show examples
 student was higher than
girls
Use synonyms
 in the postgraduate
diploma
Use synonyms
 the proportion was 70
Use synonyms
percentage
Replace the word
per cent
show examples
 for
Use synonyms
man's
Change noun form
men
show examples
 and the
women's
Change noun form
women
show examples
 was 35
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 in 1999
To sum
Linking Words
up
Add a comma
up,
show examples
 the education in Australia considering the
mans
Correct your spelling
men
show examples
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
highest
Correct word choice
higher
show examples
 than
girls
Use synonyms
 in three diplomas
instence
Correct your spelling
instance
masters
Change noun form
master's
show examples
diploma
Use synonyms
 and postgraduate
diploma
Use synonyms
 ,skills vocational
diploma
Use synonyms
.
Linking Words
While the
Correct word choice
The
show examples
girls
Use synonyms
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 higher in
to
Correct your spelling
two
show examples
 types of
Use synonyms
diploma
Fix the agreement mistake
diplomas
show examples
 first was bachelor
diploma
Use synonyms
 and
undergraduate
Correct article usage
the undergraduate
show examples
diploma
Use synonyms

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words girls, percentage, students, man, percent, diploma with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "proportion" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • proportion
  • qualification
  • higher education
  • vocational training
  • Bachelor's degree
  • diploma
  • gender disparity
  • employment
  • statistics
  • representation
  • trend
  • data analysis
  • implication
  • education attainment
  • demographics
  • chart overview
What to do next:
Look at other essays: