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Writing Samples
Band 5

Many students around the world face difficulties in getting a quality education. What are the problems associated with this? What are the solutions?

In the international case, many
students
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 have challenges in accessing a good
quality
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 of
education
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.
This
Linking Words
 is probably because they have to face
education
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 inequality in their places and unqualified
teachers
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 in
schools
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.
Therefore
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, it is
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 responsibility
for
Change preposition
of
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 government to
adress
Correct your spelling
address
 these issues. There are two major issues that
students
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 might face in
education
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. One of the biggest problems is
inequality
Correct article usage
the inequality
show examples
 of
education
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. Many people live in remote
area
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areas
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, where they have limited access
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
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in
Change preposition
to
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education
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.
For example
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, one of
regency
Replace the word
the regencies
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 in Maluku, moa, has no high school. Those who live there should travel outside their place to another island using
boat
Add an article
the boat
a boat
show examples
. Sometimes, it is challenging for them to go to school on time
due to
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 extreme weather or fatigue. The second challenge is unprofessional educators. Most
teachers
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 in rural
area
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areas
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 are coming from voluntary
teachers
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 or the ones who
are
Verb problem
have
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 only graduated from high school.
This
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 is because
schools
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 do not have any resources or access to
good
Add a hyphen
good-quality
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quality
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teachers
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.
Moreover
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, they are not paid well, making them
having
Wrong verb form
have
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 less desire to teach. To tackle these problems, the governments should take several actions. First of all, they should allocate more budget to improve the educational infrastructures and
transports
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transport
show examples
,
such
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 as
,
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apply
show examples
 adding more
schools
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 in several regions and building a bridge or providing a free boat. Regarding the facilities, they
also
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 need to give
the
Correct article usage
apply
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internet access
for
Change preposition
to
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schools
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, so that
students
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 and
teachers
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could
Wrong verb form
can
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 learn using learning applications. Another solution,
the
Add a missing verb
is the
show examples
 governments have to enhance the
quality
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 of educators by giving professional
trainings
Change the wording
training
pieces of training
show examples
 and passing new regulations about
teacher’s
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 salaries. The training is beneficial for
teacher’s
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qualification
Fix the agreement mistake
qualifications
show examples
, making them
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
more competent. By providing these workshops, they
also
Linking Words
 need to create a strict requirement for professional
teachers
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 who teach those
schools
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.
Moreover
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, giving
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
proper earnings
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
teachers
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 could make them
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
more motivated. In conclusion, the
students
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 might face several difficulties in getting a good
quality
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of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
education
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due to
Linking Words
 the accessibility of
education
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 in their places and the lack of
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teacher’s
Change noun form
teacher
show examples
 professionalism.
However
Linking Words
, these issues can be tackled if the governments pay attention to it by allocating their money
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 infrastructures and facilities
as well as
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 the
teacher’s
Use synonyms
 skills enhancement.

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task achievement
The introduction identifies the problem clearly but could be better structured to outline the points you will discuss. Consider rephrasing to create a stronger thesis statement that reflects your main points.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph clearly links to the next one for better coherence. Using transition phrases could help guide the reader through your arguments more smoothly.
task achievement
Some grammar and vocabulary errors are present, such as 'Those who live there should travel outside their place' which could be simplified to 'They must travel to another island.' More attention to grammar would enhance clarity.
task achievement
Expand on how internet access can improve education through specific examples, enhancing your point about modern learning applications.
task achievement
You provide a clear identification of the problems within education, such as educational inequality and unqualified teachers, which shows a good understanding of the topic.
task achievement
The proposed solutions address the problems directly and show a grasp of what's required to improve the situation, demonstrating logical reasoning.
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