IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The most important aim of science should be to improve people's lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

In today’s fast-paced world, everything is developing
such
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 as technology, transportation and
science
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. Some argue that the most important
aim
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 of
science
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 should be to improve
people’s
Use synonyms
 lives,
while
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 opponents argue that does not need to be the main concern. In my opinion, I disagree with
this
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 argument because there are
also
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 several aspects to look after like
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environment
Replace the word
environmental
show examples
 protection. On one hand, some argue that improving
people’s
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live
Replace the word
lives
show examples
 should be the main
aim
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 of
science
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.
To begin
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 with, peoples’ daily life would be more convenient by these developments.
Additionally
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, these
advancements
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 could lead people to relax, they could spend more time with their loved ones.
For example
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, kitchen appliances are far more
advance
Replace the word
advanced
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 now than in the past, making it easier for women.
Moreover
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, hardworking individuals like mechanics, masons, and carpenters can use these
advancements
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 to make work easier.
On the other hand
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, opponents argue that
most
Correct article usage
the most
show examples
 important
aim
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 of
science
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 should not be to make
people’s
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live
Replace the word
lives
show examples
 easier.
Furthermore
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, developing technology,
transportation
Correct word choice
and transportation
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 may lead to environmental pollution so scientists’ main concern
need
Change the verb form
needs
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 to be to protect
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environment
Add an article
the environment
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.
In contrast
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,
these kind
Change the determiner
this kind
these kinds
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 of
advancements
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 forests, animals, and water sources
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
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are declining.
In addition
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, making use of scientific developments
such
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 as nanotechnology,
artificial
Correct word choice
and artificial
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 intelligence to repair the harm and
enhancing
Wrong verb form
enhance
show examples
 the natural beauty of
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environment
Correct article usage
the environment
show examples
 would be much
necessary
Correct quantifier usage
more necessary
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 than improving
people’s
Use synonyms
 lives. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
Use synonyms
science
Replace the word
scientific
show examples
advancements
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 would be beneficial for humans,
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
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 will affect terribly for the
environment
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.
Furthermore
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, using scientific improvements to protect
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environment
Add an article
the environment
show examples
 from global warming would be rewarding. In my opinion, the most important
aim
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 of
science
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 should not be to improve human well-being.

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task achievement
Ensure that your thesis statement clearly indicates your position on the topic. In the introduction, mention explicitly that you believe science should focus on both improving lives and protecting the environment.
coherence and cohesion
Work on varying your sentence structures and improving transitions between ideas. For example, use more linking phrases to guide the reader through your argument, such as 'On the other hand', 'Additionally', and 'In contrast'.
task achievement
Some examples could be more elaborated. While the points made about kitchen appliances and environmental issues are valid, further details or examples could strengthen these arguments and make your essay more persuasive.
task achievement
The essay addresses the prompt clearly by discussing both sides of the argument, demonstrating a balanced view.
coherence and cohesion
Good use of paragraphs to separate different ideas, which helps in maintaining structure throughout the essay.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • crucial role
  • technological advancements
  • medical discoveries
  • life-changing inventions
  • innovations
  • solutions to human problems
  • enhancing quality of life
  • improvement of healthcare
  • transportation
  • communication
  • agriculture
  • energy sectors
  • eradication of diseases
  • prolongation of life expectancy
  • global challenges
  • climate change
  • overpopulation
  • food security
  • developed world
  • underprivileged communities
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