IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

the working week should be shorter and workers should have a longer weekend. Do you agree or disagree?

These days, having a job plays a significant role in people’s lives. Some people believe that the working weekend should be shorter.
However
Linking Words
, some argue that employees should spend more
time
Use synonyms
 on weekends. It is widely believed that workers should have enough
time
Use synonyms
 to spend their
time
Use synonyms
 on leisure activities. In
this
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 essay, I will examine
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
 argument and provide evidence to support my viewpoint. One of the crucial causes is that shorter
weekend
Fix the agreement mistake
weekends
show examples
 can lead to
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
burnout.
In other words
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, individuals have to work for long
hours
Use synonyms
 which
cause
Correct subject-verb agreement
causes
show examples
labor
Change the spelling
labour
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feel
Fix the infinitive
to feel
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 burnout.
Consequently
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, working for long
hours
Use synonyms
 cannot let them pursue their dreams and achievements.
For example
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,
Correct article usage
a recently
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recently
Change the word
recent
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 study
Harvard
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by Harvard
show examples
 shows that thirty per cent of people tend to commit
a
Remove the article
apply
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suicide because they feel depressed and the level of stress is high in work
place
Correct your spelling
workplace
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 so they need more
time
Use synonyms
 to be with their families and relatives.
Moreover
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, the importance of leisure
time
Use synonyms
 should
be pay
Change the verb form
be paying
be paid
show examples
 attention.
On the other hand
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, some argue that the prevalence of technology is increasing, leading to work harder.
This
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 means
,
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apply
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 a lot of countries can be successful
due to
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prolong
Replace the word
prolonged
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hours
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, some countries
such
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 as Japan, China, and
United
Correct article usage
the United
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State
Fix the agreement mistake
States
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 are top
as a result
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 of their workers working for many days without
day
Correct article usage
a day
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 off. Taking into account the argument presented above, it can be drawn:
Linking Words
while
Correct word choice
that while
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 some think working for long
hours
Use synonyms
 causes physical and mental health, some argue that it leads to
make
Change the verb form
making
show examples
 progress in
country
Add an article
the country
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. I believe that people can live easily
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
 having entertainment and
day
Correct article usage
a day
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 off more than usual.

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly define your stance in the introduction and restate it in the conclusion. This can help strengthen your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that the ideas flow logically from one to the next.
task achievement
Include more specific examples to support your points, and ensure they are clearly explained and relevant to your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Check for grammar and punctuation errors, as these can impact the clarity of your writing.
task achievement
Your introduction sets the context for the discussion, which is a good start.
coherence and cohesion
You present both sides of the argument, which shows an understanding of the topic.
task achievement
You raise important points about burnout and technology's impact on work, which are relevant to the topic at hand.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • productivity
  • burnout
  • motivation
  • mental well-being
  • work-life balance
  • job satisfaction
  • pollution levels
  • traffic congestion
  • consumer spending
  • economic implications
  • leisure and service sectors
What to do next:
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