IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

The Chart shows the number of visitors to a local cinema according to age in 2000. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The Chart shows the number of visitors to a local cinema according to age in 2000. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The given
char
Correct your spelling
chart
show examples
 presents
tha
Correct your spelling
the
 data from a local
cinema
Use synonyms
, it illustrates the
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of visitors
acoording
Correct your spelling
according
 to their age, in 2000. The unit is percentage points.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be clearly seen that the highest attendance was noticed in the
ages
Use synonyms
 55 and older group.
On
Change preposition
In
show examples
 contrast, the smallest number of
costumers
Correct your spelling
customers
show examples
 were
ages
Use synonyms
 31-45. Looking at the data more
closley
Correct your spelling
closely
, over
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
half of the people visiting
Use synonyms
cinema
Correct article usage
the cinema
show examples
 were 55 and older,
thus
Linking Words
 they scored 51% of all customers.
Significant
Add an article
A significant
show examples
 group of
coustomers
Correct your spelling
customers
, about one
fifith
Correct your spelling
fifth
were
Change the verb form
were aged
were ageing
show examples
ages
Use synonyms
 10-15. A quarter of
Use synonyms
cinema's
Correct article usage
the cinema's
show examples
 visitors were young people,
ages
Use synonyms
 16-20. The two groups with the smallest attendance score were
ages
Use synonyms
 21- 30 and 31-45, 8% and 5% in order.
To sum up
Linking Words
, the oldest people were attending
Use synonyms
cinema
Correct article usage
the cinema
show examples
 the most in 2000. Minors and young adults were
also
Linking Words
 significant
group
Change the noun form
groups
show examples
 of
coustomers
Correct your spelling
customers
 in 2000. Adults
ages
Use synonyms
 21- 45 were visiting
Use synonyms
cinema
Fix the agreement mistake
cinemas
show examples
 very
rarley
Correct your spelling
rarely
 in 2000.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Introduction: The introduction is missing.
▼
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words cinema, ages with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "significant" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: