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Writing Samples
Band 5

Nowadays, young people are admiring media and sports stars, even though they do not set a good example. Do you think this is a positive or negative development.

These days, despite having a bad reputation in some cases, many media and sports stars are being admired. I vehemently believe
due to
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 the possibility of devaluing bad
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behaviors
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behaviours
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 and
declining
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decline
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 of
public’s
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the public’s
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understandings
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understanding
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this
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 is a completely negative development. One of the most important reasons why following superstars unconditionally is bad
,
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 is downplaying inappropriate
behaviors
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.
For example
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, many famous
figures
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 in sports have unhealthy and sometimes dangerous
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behaviors
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behaviours
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 including drug addiction or drinking
to
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too
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 much alcohol. When people follow these
figures
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, they gradually try to become entirely like them and
also
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 their dangerous actions become a normal and even positive thing in followers’ minds.
Thus
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, the followers start doing anything regardless of whether it is right or wrong to make themselves like their beloved player.
Consequently
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,
this
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 might lead to many problems
such
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 as addiction and even aggressive actions. Another important reason is disappearing disappearance of creativity in societies.
For example
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, when public
figures
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such
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 as media superstars see they are highly admired by many young people, regardless of the quality of what they are producing or playing
in
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apply
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, they will lose motivation and willingness to be creative in their field. Over time, quality will be replaced by overproduction and the content of art will be vanished. In the long term, people’s attitudes will change to see worthless topics and the whole society’s level of understanding will decline. In conclusion, many famous sports and media
figures
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 are very popular and are admired regardless of them to be a proper example of being a model. I believe
due to
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 the possibility of downplaying bad
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behaviors
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behaviours
show examples
 and damaging people’s creativity, admiring these individuals is not a good action.

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task achievement
To strengthen your argument, make sure your thesis statement clearly states your position on whether the trend is positive or negative, and reiterate this point at the end of each paragraph. Ensure each point directly relates to your thesis.
coherence and cohesion
Consider varying your sentence structures and transition phrases to improve the flow between ideas, making it easier for the reader to follow your argument.
task achievement
Add more specific examples to support your claims; for instance, mention specific media or sports figures as examples of your points about negative influence or declining creativity.
task achievement
The essay addresses a relevant contemporary issue and presents a clear opinion on the topic, demonstrating engagement with the subject matter.
coherence and cohesion
Each paragraph has a clear main idea, which is important for maintaining focus and supporting your argument.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • media personalities
  • sports icons
  • role models
  • admiration
  • influence
  • behavior
  • mindset
  • values
  • unethical behavior
  • healthy lifestyles
  • social media platforms
  • celebrity culture
  • career aspirations
  • educational goals
  • positive change
  • ethical standards
  • amplify
  • idolize
  • public perception
  • impressionable
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