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Writing Samples
Band 5

some belive technology has made our lives too complex ande the solution is to lead a simplier life without technology.To what extend do you agree of disagree.

It is sometimes argued that technological advancements make our
lives
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 complicated and the solution is to lead a simpler
life
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 and avoid technological progress. From my perspective, I strongly disagree with
this
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 view. It is understandable why some believe that
life
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 is more complicated with applied science.Perhaps the key reason for
this
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 is that
,
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apply
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technological innovations lead to a decline in
people
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 's responsibility for
this
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life
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.
For example
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,
people
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 in
this
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 day and age spend too much time on social media like Facebook or Instagram and forget the value of
life
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.
However
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,
this
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 view is not as sound as it seems. The way technology affects us depends on how we use them.
In addition
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, I am strongly convinced that technological advancements make our
lives
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 simpler by using them wisely. In fact, when
people
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 harness the power of technology, it will enhance communication and connectivity. It helps
people
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 have access to information easily.
For example
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, smartphones nowadays have changed our daily routines, helping
people
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 keep in touch with distant relatives with convenience and ease.
Therefore
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, mechanics provides us with many advantages and makes our
lives
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 better. In conclusion, there are sufficient grounds to reject the view that technological innovations have made our
lives
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 complicated. It is my belief that technological progress confers upon us many benefits and makes our
lives
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 better.

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task achievement
While your introduction clearly states your disagreement with the view, consider expanding your thesis statement to outline the main points you will discuss more explicitly. This will provide a clearer roadmap for your essay.
coherence and cohesion
To improve coherence, ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Using linking words or phrases can help guide the reader through your argument more clearly.
task achievement
Although your examples are relevant, providing more specific details or additional examples could strengthen your arguments. This will demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Your introduction effectively sets the stage for your argument and your conclusion succinctly summarizes your opinion.
coherence and cohesion
You have demonstrated a clear perspective throughout the essay, and your writing is generally well-organized, making it easy to follow your argument.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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