IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

As mass communication and transport continue to grow, societies are becoming more and more alike leading to a phenomenon known as globalization. Some people fear that globalization will inevitably lead to the total loss of cultural identity. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reason for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

There is no doubt that these days
the
Correct article usage
apply
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technologies have a negative effect
for
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on
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 cultures. So, some
people
Use synonyms
 think that
the
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apply
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mass communication and transportation have
an
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the
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 ability to influence
the
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apply
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cultural identity,
while
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 others believe that we can balance
between
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apply
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the
development's
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development of
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 things
such
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 as
technologies
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technology
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 and
cultural
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culture
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.
This
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 essay will discuss both sides and will draw my personal conclusion. On the one hand,
in
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at
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this
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 moment, we
were
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are
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 seeing a lot of new habits in our society, so
people
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accused
Wrong verb form
accuse
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 that
the
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apply
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technology is the cause
for
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of
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 losing our cultural identity. The main reason given to support
this
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 claim is that technology now gives
an
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apply
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access for
people
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 to share any type of
videos
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video
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 that
include
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includes
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 new harmful culture. To illustrate, nowadays we
were seeing
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see
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people
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 dancing in the streets and
this
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 habit not acceptable in the
Arabs
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Arab
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 culture.
However
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, others believe that we can balance between the new technology and
lose
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losing
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 our
history
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historical
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 identity and there is a suggestion for avoiding
this
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 problem.
Firstly
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, sharing awareness videos about our culture
in
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on
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the
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apply
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social media.
Secondly
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, teach the child about
history
Add an article
the history
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 of his community.
This
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 because to
avoid
Verb problem
prevent
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 the children from being
impact
Wrong verb form
impacted
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in
Change preposition
by
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the
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apply
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social networking. So, that's why some think we should find a compromise.
Consequently
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, we must ensure steps are taken to prevent
this
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 phenomenon from deteriorating future. In conclusion, after a careful analysis of both points of view, I believe that each of us has a special point of view that matches
his
Correct pronoun usage
our
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 circumstances. To solve
this
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 problem, we must look at the factors that may fit our situation in
this
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 case.

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task achievement
Try to provide clearer arguments and more developed ideas to strengthen your points.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence to improve the logical structure of your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Work on linking sentences and ideas more smoothly to enhance the overall flow.
content
You attempted to address both sides of the argument, demonstrating an understanding of different perspectives.
task achievement
Your conclusion summarizes your personal stance effectively, which is important in an argumentative essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • globalization
  • cultural identity
  • mass communication
  • transportation
  • cultural exchange
  • diversity
  • cultural preservation
  • hybrid culture
  • indigenous traditions
  • cultural assimilation
  • cultural homogenization
  • cultural enrichment
  • adaptation
  • cultural expression
  • dynamic cultures
What to do next:
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