Some people believe that younger generations can learn a lot about how to be good members of society from older generations. Others think it is better for younger people to get advice on how to be a good citizen from their peers. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

In
this
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recent time, learning to be accepted in
a
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apply
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society for kids has become a topical issue as some people argued that they should be guided by the elderly and the rest said that they had to get advice from their
friends
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. To respond to the aforementioned case, I will explain my argument based on both sides and believe that
older
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the older
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generation’s suggestion is more convincing
due to
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its benefits.
Firstly
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, receiving
recommendation
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recommendations
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from
friends
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who
have
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are
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the same age is easier compared
from
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to
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the older generation.
This
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is because they have the same communication style, so
information
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the information
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which
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apply
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they get can be absorbed
easier
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more easily
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.
In addition
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, most adolescents feel comfortable
to share
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sharing
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difficulties
to
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with
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their
friends
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because they expect to get an exit way from someone who is trusted.
However
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,
this
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is misleading since the youth has limited
point
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points
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of
views
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view
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and
lack
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lacks
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experiences
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experience
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. Taking Soekarya’s story as one example, in 2018, he was jailed in his golden age as he tried to be a bad boy and consumed narcotics.
On the other hand
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, even though daughters and sons
had
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have
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a far gap
with
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from
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their parents, they will get many valuable instructions from
the
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apply
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older individuals. The elderly
has
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have
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a broader knowledge that can be applied in a particular community since they get used to
live
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living
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with them for a long time.
Therefore
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, they had a profound understanding
about
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of
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what
aspect
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aspects
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should be internalized
to
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by
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the kids, what activities should be forbidden, and what good attitudes
that
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is
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are
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suitable and can be applied in their society.
Thus
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, the youth can adapt fast in many communities and get valuable networking for preparing
their
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for their
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career or education.
To sum up
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,
although
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receiving guidance from
friends
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can be more
impressing
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impressive
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and easier
due to
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the same age, following an instruction from older people
has
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is
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more convincing because its positive development
outweigh
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outweighs
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its comfort

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Task Achievement
Ensure that your introduction clearly outlines both views before stating your opinion. This will help set a clear roadmap for your essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use clearer transitions between ideas to enhance the logical flow of your essay. For instance, linking phrases like 'On one hand' or 'Conversely' could be beneficial.
Task Achievement
Provide more specific and varied examples to support your points. While mentioning Soekarya is effective, adding another example could strengthen your argument.
Task Achievement
Consider using a more formal tone throughout your essay, avoiding phrases like 'bad boy' which may seem informal.
Task Achievement
You have successfully presented both views on the topic, which is crucial for a balanced discussion.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay has a clear conclusion that summarizes your argument effectively, indicating a good understanding of essay structure.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • wealth of experience
  • historical context
  • ethical guidance
  • life skills
  • contemporary issues
  • relatable experiences
  • societal norms
  • traditional values
  • societal cohesion
  • innovative views
  • progressive views
  • intergenerational learning
  • mutual respect
  • camaraderie
  • societal unity
  • individualistic societies
  • bridging the gap
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