IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The proportion of income adults and children spent on 4 common items in the UK in 1998.

The
given
Verb problem
apply
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table shows the amount of money spent by
adults
Use synonyms
 and
children
Use synonyms
 on 4 different goods in the UK in 1998. From an
overall
Linking Words
 perspective, it is readily apparent that
adults
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, men, and women purchased mostly food,
whereas
Linking Words
 the opposite was true for videos. Meanwhile,
children
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, males, and girls spent the highest percentage of their income on music.
Additionally
Linking Words
, in terms of electronic equipment,
children
Use synonyms
 showed a significant purchase in comparison to others. A closer look at the table reveals that the expenditure of females in the food category stood at 39%, which was followed by
adults
Use synonyms
 with their spending at 25%. The remaining individuals spent between 9% and 11%.
Children
Use synonyms
, boys, and males used more electronic equipment, with their costs accounting for 23%, 18%, and 10%, respectively. Regarding music, more than 35% was paid by
children
Use synonyms
, boys, and girls,
whereas
Linking Words
 others had the same proportion of 5%.
While
Linking Words
adults
Use synonyms
, men, and females allocated less than 3% of their money on videos,
this
Linking Words
 indication was almost 15 times higher for other people.

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coherence and cohesion
Consider providing a clearer overall summary in the introduction to set the stage for the details that follow. Additionally, ensure each paragraph logically flows into the next by using more linking phrases.
task achievement
Try to elaborate further on the significant figures or trends indicated in the table, as this would enhance clarity and provide a stronger argument to your points.
task achievement
The essay provides a clear overview of the spending habits among different groups, as well as specific percentages for each category, which is commendable.
coherence and cohesion
The use of comparative phrases such as 'whereas' and 'in comparison' helps to distinguish between the different spending habits of adults, children, and genders, which adds to the clarity of your writing.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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