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Writing Samples
Band 2.5

Some people believe that the best way to improve the general well-being of schoolchildren is to make physical education compulsory in all schools. Others, however, think that this would have little effect on overall health and those other measures are needed. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Introduction
First,
Linking Words
physical compulsory
its
Correct your spelling
is
show examples
 needed
Body paragraph 1
on the one hand, many
school
Change to a plural noun
schools
show examples
 provide a class for the children and
encarge
Correct your spelling
encourage
enlarge
 them to play.
For example
Linking Words
, in our schools
ever
Correct your spelling
every
show examples
week
Add a comma
week,
show examples
 they are a
Use synonyms
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 day to
exersice
Correct your spelling
exercise
 in the
Use synonyms
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 room and we can
choice
Replace the word
choose
show examples
 what we can play like
footbool teenis
Correct your spelling
football tennis
.
However
Linking Words
,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 feel physical education can
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
 the children in
good
Change the article
a good
show examples
 way like
ther
Correct your spelling
they
 can make
frinds
Correct your spelling
friends
 fast or can
loss
Replace the word
lose
show examples
wigh
Correct your spelling
weight
 for playing. I can see that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people try to improve
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
teenager
Fix the agreement mistake
teenagers
show examples
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 many
way
Change to a plural noun
ways
show examples
to
Change preposition
so
show examples
he
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 can grow well.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the
disadvintege
Correct your spelling
disadvantage
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sport
Use synonyms
that
Add a missing verb
is that
show examples
 like a
lots
Correct the article-noun agreement
lot
show examples
 of time to change clothes from
formil
Correct your spelling
formal
 unform to
Use synonyms
sport
Wrong verb form
sports
show examples
clothe
Correct subject-verb agreement
clothes
show examples
. to give
summary
Add an article
a summary
show examples
 of the problem people
thaink
Correct your spelling
think
its
Correct your spelling
it has
show examples
effect
Correct article usage
an effect
show examples
becuse
Correct your spelling
because
that
Change preposition
at that
show examples
 time of age
the
Correct your spelling
they
show examples
 are
agrasive
Correct your spelling
aggressive
abrasive
 with each other and they can get
injery
Correct your spelling
injury
injured
 by full. To change for the better we can have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
2
teacher
Fix the agreement mistake
teachers
show examples
 in one room and
befour
Correct your spelling
before
 the
childern
Correct your spelling
children
 start to play give them the
righ ruls
Correct your spelling
right rules
 to play and to be
caruful
Correct your spelling
careful
.
Conclusion
Finally
Linking Words
,
exersice
Correct your spelling
exercise
 in
generel
Correct your spelling
general
its
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
will make the children grow and develop
there
Correct your spelling
their
show examples
charctle
Correct your spelling
character
.

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language
Improve sentence structure and grammar for clarity. For example, use 'physical education is important' instead of 'physical compulsory its needed'.
structure
Try to organize paragraphs more clearly, ensuring each has one main idea and supporting details.
content
Add more relevant examples to support your points, such as statistics or studies on physical education and well-being.
content
You included both sides of the argument, which shows an understanding of the topic.
content
You made a valid point about the social benefits of physical education, such as making friends.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • physical fitness
  • child development
  • obesity
  • associated health problems
  • habit of regular physical activity
  • lifelong fitness habits
  • mental well-being
  • stress, anxiety, and depression
  • social interaction
  • teamwork
  • social skills
  • emotional intelligence
  • balanced diet
  • sufficient sleep
  • academic pressure
  • educational policies
  • support systems
  • quality and implementation
  • poorly designed PE activities
  • desired health benefits
  • focusing solely
  • unbalanced curriculum
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