Some people believe that the best way to improve the general well-being of schoolchildren is to make physical education compulsory in all schools. Others, however, think that this would have little effect on overall health and those other measures are needed. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

First,
Linking Words
physical compulsory
its
Correct your spelling
is
show examples
needed on the one hand, many
school
Change to a plural noun
schools
show examples
provide a class for the children and
encarge
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encourage
enlarge
them to play.
For example
Linking Words
, in our schools
ever
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every
show examples
week
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week,
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they are a
Use synonyms
sport
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sports
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day to
exersice
Correct your spelling
exercise
in the
Use synonyms
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
room and we can
choice
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choose
show examples
what we can play like
footbool teenis
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football tennis
.
However
Linking Words
,
i
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I
show examples
feel physical education can
effect
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affect
show examples
the children in
good
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a good
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way like
ther
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they
can make
frinds
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friends
fast or can
loss
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lose
show examples
wigh
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weight
for playing. I can see that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people try to improve
the
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apply
show examples
teenager
Fix the agreement mistake
teenagers
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to
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in
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many
way
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ways
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to
Change preposition
so
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he
Correct pronoun usage
they
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can grow well.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the
disadvintege
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disadvantage
in
the
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apply
show examples
sport
Use synonyms
that
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is that
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like a
lots
Correct the article-noun agreement
lot
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of time to change clothes from
formil
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formal
unform to
Use synonyms
sport
Wrong verb form
sports
show examples
clothe
Correct subject-verb agreement
clothes
show examples
. to give
summary
Add an article
a summary
show examples
of the problem people
thaink
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think
its
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it has
show examples
effect
Correct article usage
an effect
show examples
becuse
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because
that
Change preposition
at that
show examples
time of age
the
Correct your spelling
they
show examples
are
agrasive
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aggressive
abrasive
with each other and they can get
injery
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injury
injured
by full. To change for the better we can have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
2
teacher
Fix the agreement mistake
teachers
show examples
in one room and
befour
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before
the
childern
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children
start to play give them the
righ ruls
Correct your spelling
right rules
to play and to be
caruful
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careful
.
Finally
Linking Words
,
exersice
Correct your spelling
exercise
in
generel
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general
its
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
will make the children grow and develop
there
Correct your spelling
their
show examples
charctle
Correct your spelling
character
.

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language
Improve sentence structure and grammar for clarity. For example, use 'physical education is important' instead of 'physical compulsory its needed'.
structure
Try to organize paragraphs more clearly, ensuring each has one main idea and supporting details.
content
Add more relevant examples to support your points, such as statistics or studies on physical education and well-being.
content
You included both sides of the argument, which shows an understanding of the topic.
content
You made a valid point about the social benefits of physical education, such as making friends.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • physical fitness
  • child development
  • obesity
  • associated health problems
  • habit of regular physical activity
  • lifelong fitness habits
  • mental well-being
  • stress, anxiety, and depression
  • social interaction
  • teamwork
  • social skills
  • emotional intelligence
  • balanced diet
  • sufficient sleep
  • academic pressure
  • educational policies
  • support systems
  • quality and implementation
  • poorly designed PE activities
  • desired health benefits
  • focusing solely
  • unbalanced curriculum
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