IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some species of animals are almost extinct; and many others seem to be fast approaching a similar risk. What are the reasons for this? What should be done to solve this problem? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

Some animal
species
Use synonyms
 are in danger of being extinct in the near future and the amount of endangered
species
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 is increasing. One of the main reasons that need to be considered is the disruptive impact of humans
to
Change preposition
on
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 the natural habitats of animals
as well as
Linking Words
 the influence of mankind
to
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on
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 the climatic and environmental factors of the earth.
This
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 essay
also
Linking Words
beliefs
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believes
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, that the possible solution to the extinction of
species
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 includes protecting
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
natural habitats and
to stop
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stopping
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 destroying
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
nature
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. One principal problem is the
steadily
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steady
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happening
Verb problem
apply
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expansion of the human race not considering the consequences. The
nature
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 is always in the role of the victim in that case. The selfish development of mankind ignores the environmental basic needs of animal
species
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, leading to decreasing environments that are suited to different living organisms, not only mammals. The destruction of landscapes to reach valuable resources is more important than
to protect
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protecting
show examples
habitats
Correct article usage
the habitats
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 of animals. The only consequence to take is to stop that devastating expansion. To achieve
this
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 ambitious goal, there are some smaller steps, that could be made. First of all, we should define protection zones, where various animal
species
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 are living at. In those specific areas, there has to be
a
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apply
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extensive protection enforced by laws, to keep the
species
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 in that area.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, we need to stop hunting for resources and start developing and using alternative and
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nature friendly
Add a hyphen
nature-friendly
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 technologies to achieve our goals. The transformation to renewable energy sources could affect the climatic change in a positive way, so another reason for
extinction
Add an article
the extinction
show examples
 of
species
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 would shrink. In conclusion, the extinction of animal
species
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 could be at least slowed down, if mankind would stop devastating
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
nature
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. The mentioned solutions are only an excerpt of what could be done. The human is capable
to
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of
show examples
 still
find
Wrong verb form
finding
show examples
 solutions to rescue the planet.

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task achievement
The essay has a clear response to the task, discussing the reasons for extinction and proposing solutions. However, enhancing details and expanding on certain points could strengthen your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Using more cohesive devices and linking phrases could improve the flow of your essay. Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next.
task achievement
Consider providing more specific examples to support your main points. This will make your arguments more compelling and relatable.
task achievement
The essay addresses the prompt directly and presents a clear opinion on the topic.
coherence and cohesion
The structure of the essay is logical, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • species extinction
  • endangered animals
  • biodiversity
  • habitat loss
  • deforestation
  • urbanization
  • poaching
  • illegal wildlife trade
  • climate change
  • pollution
  • conservation efforts
  • legislation
  • enforcement
  • human overpopulation
  • sustainable development
  • responsible consumption
  • education
  • awareness programs
  • protected areas
  • wildlife reserves
  • international cooperation
  • collaboration
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