Some people believe that time spent on televiosion, video and computer games can be beneficial to children. Others believe this has a negative effects on a child. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Few individuals believe that spending time on television,video and computer

games

Use synonyms

is helpful for offspring.

However

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, the rest of the others are not in favour of supporting

this

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trend.

Therefore

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,ahead of my opinion, both views will be discussed

further

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Examine

Wrong verb form

Examining

show examples

the former opinion, the primary argument the supporter would put forward is exposure.In

this

Linking Words

modern era, everything happens online whether it is related to personal or professional life.With the help of

such

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gadgets like television and computer

games

Use synonyms

, they become able to have a good command

Change preposition

show examples

other electronic things.

For instance

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children

Use synonyms

learn to drive at the age of 16 in the USA

due to

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advanced technology.Compared to the past, they hardly start driving in their mid-twenties.

Furthermore

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,online

games

Use synonyms

are quite famous these days. The brain starts working efficiently in

such

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a situation.

Hence

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, it helped a lot in their brain development which ultimately

improve

Wrong verb form

improved

show examples

their thinking power and

make

Wrong verb form

made

show examples

them independent.

For instance

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,Pubz is the most famous game among youngsters.In these

games

Use synonyms

, individuals consider themselves in the situations inside the game.

Therefore

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, they will learn to overcome

such

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circumstance

Fix the agreement mistake

circumstances

show examples

On the contrary

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,those in favour of the latter option have their own arguments.

To begin

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with, they claim that

children

Use synonyms

will suffer from various health-related problems, especially obesity.

Moreover

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,more screen time will lead to less physical movement and weaken eye vision.To cite an example, There was a survey done by the UK government in 2010 to obtain information about reasons behind the obesity among

children

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.Data has shown the number of

children

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with

this

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issue

are

Correct subject-verb agreement

show examples

increasing by 5% every year

due to

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the constant influence of electronics.

In addition

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this

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, scholars will become addicted to

such

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habits in case of doing constantly in their free hours.

As a result

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, they will lack in their academics.

To conclude

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and offer my position, there are convincing arguments both for and against television, video and computer game usage in free time.

However

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,I certainly favour the latter opinion, because the body and mind deteriorate if they are not utilised within a certain limit.

bajwaraman415Wed May 21 2025

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coherence and cohesion

Your essay presents both sides of the argument and provides some examples; however, it could benefit from clearer organization and smoother transitions between points.

task achievement

While you offer some valid examples, ensuring that they are relevant and fully explained would strengthen your argument.

task achievement

You have a clear understanding of the topic and present both views with supporting arguments, which shows effort in addressing the task.

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15
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

330 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

cognitive development
hand-eye coordination
technological proficiency
media consumption
violence and aggression
sedentary lifestyle
social interaction
virtual worlds
educational games
screen addiction
parental control
content curation
physical activity
time management
consumer habits

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