Some people claim that what people eat in many Western countries is unhealthy and that their diet is getting worse. Critics say that these countries should change their diet. What are your opinions on this?

There is no doubt ,
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due
Correct word choice
that due
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to the excessive work pressure on
people
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they do not maintain healthy
diet
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plan
Fix the agreement mistake
plans
show examples
.
However
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, it is believed
by
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apply
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some
people
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that individuals living in foreign countries
such
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as America
ana
Correct your spelling
and
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Canada, eat
alots
Correct your spelling
a lot
of junk
food
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.
This
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tendenacy
Correct your spelling
tendency
of having
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to have
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junk
food
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is making their
diet
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more
Change the word
apply
show examples
worse day by day. I believe that
people
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should maintain nutritious
diet
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plan
Fix the agreement mistake
plans
show examples
so that they can live healthy
lifestyle
Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyles
show examples
. To commence with, in
this
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moden
Correct your spelling
modern
era
as
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
are working around the clock and
due to
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their hectic schedule they do not
enough
Add a missing verb
have enough
show examples
time
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to prepare their meals.
As a result
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, they prefer to eat outside which indirectly imbalance their healthy
diet
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. Moving
further
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, in Western
countries
Add a comma
countries,
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people
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are living in nuclear families,
they
Correct word choice
and they
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have hardly
a
Correct determiner usage
any
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free
time
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on weekends , in
this
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way
Add a comma
way,
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they have to do all the things by themselves even
it
Correct word choice
if it
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is
about
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apply
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, doing household chores , raising children or doing groceries.
Along with
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this
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, dwellers in foreign countries always prioritize their families and they love to spend their leisure
time
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with their loved ones and at that
time
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they do not like to eat
home made
Correct your spelling
homemade
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food
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. Moving
further
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, I believe that
Health
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is wealth.
Instead
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of working long hours
people
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should take
nutritious
Correct article usage
a nutritious
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diet
Use synonyms
plan so that they do not have to face
health
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issues.
In addition
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to
this
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, there are plethora of
protein rich
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protein-rich
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food
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availabe
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available
in the market that does not take
to
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too
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much
time
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to cook.
In addition
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to
this
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, folks can
also
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hire a
nutrionist
Correct your spelling
nutritionist
and
accquire
Correct your spelling
acquire
a
diet
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chart so that it is easy to follow those meal plans.
Beside
Replace the word
Besides
show examples
this
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, there are so many apps that show the perfect amount of nutrition, protein, calories , fat and carbs
consisted
Verb problem
consumed
show examples
in meals. Implementing these things will not only help to follow
healthy
Add an article
a healthy
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diet
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but
also
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helpt
Correct your spelling
help
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to keep them fit and active. In conclusion,
people
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are becoming
workaholic
Fix the agreement mistake
workaholics
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due to
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this
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they are not paying attention towards their
health
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which will result
into
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in
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serious
health
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issues at the later stage of their lives. I personally
considered
Verb problem
believe
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that
people
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should maintain a balance between healthy and unhealthy diets so that they can keep themselves more stronger and energetic.

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coherence and cohesion
Provide clearer topics and ideas in each paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Use more linking words and phrases to connect ideas.
task achievement
Use specific examples to support your points more clearly.
task achievement
Make sure your spelling and grammar are correct to help with clarity.
task achievement
You have a clear opinion about the diet issue.
task achievement
You mention important factors affecting people’s diets.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction sets the stage for your arguments.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example
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