IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some cities create housing areas by providing taller building. Others create housing by building houses on a wider area of land. What solution is better?

Some
of
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apply
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towns make housing areas by creating taller
building
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buildings
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,
while
Linking Words
 Others create housing by developing houses on
a
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apply
show examples
bogger
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bigger
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 land.
Althouth
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Although
 both have some benefits, I would agree with the latter point,
becasue
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because
 it helps
maintaining
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maintain
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better
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the better
a better
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 environment and
coping
Wrong verb form
cope
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 with
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world's
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the world's
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 increased population pace.
Forest
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The forest
A forest
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 which is mainly responsible for
echological
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ecological
technological
 balance extinction is happening all over the
world
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 - and it's happening fast to create more liveable places for human beings.
However
Linking Words
, local authorities are not allowed to build taller
buildings
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 in those areas,
as a result
Linking Words
, they need to use huge
area
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areas
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 to make fewer houses. In
Bangladesh
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Bangladesh,
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 an estimated 70 percent of historic
forestas
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forests
 and cultivated lands were
destryed
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destroyed
 to make
housings
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housing
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 for people . Experts estimated that in total the country has lost more than 50
percent
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per cent
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 of
the
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apply
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its either forest or farming lands over the past century. The population of the
world
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 is expected to reach nine billion by 2045. Some experts say we’ll need to double our housing
buildings
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 to keep up with
this
Linking Words
 growth. Given the added challenge of climate change, it is becoming ever more urgent to find ways to increase taller
buildings
Use synonyms
than
Rephrase
rather than
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 wasting huge lands.
for example
Linking Words
, roughly 60
percent
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per cent
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 of the
world
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's poor
countriers'
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countries'
 population live in multi-storied
buildings
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 and
density
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the density
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 of those countries
much
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is much
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more
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apply
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higher
that
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apply
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than their
overall
Linking Words
 land, as
result
Correct article usage
a result
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, If they plan to make houses for every family, it is estimated that billions of people would be at risk of being homeless.
For example
Linking Words
, in Asia and Africa alone, the portion currently in danger could force one billion people without their primary addresses . In conclusion, based on the aforementioned reasons, I
beleive
Correct your spelling
believe
 that yet the best hope for securing our next generation's future may depend on our ability to create more durable and multi-storied
buildings
Use synonyms
 of the past.

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coherence and cohesion
Work on linking your ideas more smoothly between sentences and paragraphs. Use words like 'firstly,' 'in addition,' and 'finally' to help organize your thoughts.
task achievement
Make sure to clearly state your opinion in the introduction. It will help your reader understand your main point better.
language accuracy
Check for spelling and grammatical errors as they can distract the reader. For example, 'bogger' should be 'bigger' and 'destryed' should be 'destroyed'.
content
You have provided relevant examples to support your points, such as the situation in Bangladesh and the population growth statistics.
content
Your conclusion nicely summarizes your main argument and restates your opinion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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