IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The line graph below shows the percentage of tourists to England who visited four different attractions in Brighton. Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The line graph below shows the percentage of tourists to England who visited four different attractions in Brighton. Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The line graph gives information about the
proportion
Use synonyms
 of visitors to England who toured four various tourist attraction sites in Brighton. The x-axis represents the years, the y-axis stands for the percentage of visitors,
Linking Words
while
Correct word choice
and
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 the colours represent the different attraction sites.
Overall
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, it is observed that the
proportion
Use synonyms
 of individuals who visited festivals remained relatively stable during the given
period
Use synonyms
 of time,
while
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 the
proportion
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
 who visited pavilions and art galleries decreased gradually over the
period
Use synonyms
 of time.
On the other hand
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, the number of
people
Use synonyms
 who went to see piers increased gradually over time. The percentage of
people
Use synonyms
 who visited piers fluctuated from 10% to 20% between 1980 and 2010.
Furthermore
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, the
proportion
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
 who went to festivals remained relatively constant at 30%.
In addition
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, individuals who went to pavilions had a
proportion
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 of about 25% at the beginning of the
period
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 before skyrocketing to a little just under 50% in 1995 and plummeting to 30%
at the end
Linking Words
 of the
period
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, art gallery visits were between 20% and 40% from 1980 to 1990, its
proportion
Use synonyms
 later made a steep drop to 10% later in the year 2010.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words proportion, period, people with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "gives" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "represents" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 6 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "gradually" was used 2 times.
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