IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In many countries it is now illegal to smoke in public place. It is only fair that people who wish to smoke should have to leave the building. Do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, around the world, smoking in cafes and malls has been banned by the government.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it is argued that
smokers
Use synonyms
 must smoke outside, and far away from people. I totally agree with
this
Linking Words
 perspective.
This
Linking Words
 essay will elaborate
my
Change preposition
on my
show examples
 reasons.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, when a person smokes,
this
Linking Words
 is not only detrimental for them , but it
also
Linking Words
 affects humans who are sitting next to
this
Linking Words
 citizen.
For example
Linking Words
, multiple doctors have
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
proven that surrounding yourself with
smokers
Use synonyms
, impacts your health badly.
Moreover
Linking Words
. sniffing the smoke might lead males to lung cancer even if they don't use vapes.
Therefore
Linking Words
, folks who smoke should leave the place, and do it in outdoor areas in order to protect the health of non-
smokers
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, it is crucial for cigarette users to respect others, so they can avoid personal fights. On top of
this
Linking Words
, men and women will be annoyed if there is someone who smokes
Linking Words
besides
Replace the word
beside
show examples
 them.
Consequently
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 may lead to violent action, which has strict consequences.
For instance
Linking Words
,
according to
Linking Words
 police reports, 64% of
smokers
Use synonyms
 had gone to jail after they were engaged in intense fights with folks who were disturbed because of the gross smell of
smokers
Use synonyms
 inside the shops.
To sum up
Linking Words
, I'm completely convinced that smoking is unwanted because it is harmful and has an appalling influence
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 everyone.
In addition
Linking Words
, to stay away from prison and
troubles
Fix the agreement mistake
trouble
show examples
, all cigar addicts had better do it on the street and not in public places to be free and away from jails.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Make sure to clearly state your opinion in the introduction and summarize it in the conclusion.
coherence
Use linking words and phrases to connect your ideas better, like 'firstly', 'in addition', and 'for example'.
task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples or evidence to support your points, as this will make your argument stronger.
clarity
The essay has a clear opinion and the reasons are logical.
structure
The introduction and conclusion are well-structured, showing the author's persuasive intent.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: