IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

You live in a room in college which you share with another student. You find it very difficult to work there because he or she always has friends visiting. They have parties in the room and sometimes borrow your things without asking you. Write a letter to the Accommodation Officer at the college and ask for a new room next term. You would prefer a single room. Explain your reasons.

Dear sir/madam I am writing
this
Linking Words
 letter to request for accommodation and
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 want a new
room
Use synonyms
 next term. I am unable to focus on my studies because of my
roomate
Correct your spelling
roommate
 as her friends keep visiting our
room
Use synonyms
 and have parties all the time. whenever
i
Change the capitalization
I
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 enter my
room
Use synonyms
,
i
Change the capitalization
I
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 see that they all are hanging around without telling me.
i
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I
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 am not
party
Add an article
a party
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 person and
i
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I
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 spend most of my time
on study
Wrong verb form
studying
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. because of
this
Linking Words
problem
Add a comma
problem,
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i
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I
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 have to go to
library
Correct article usage
the library
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 or park to complete my college work. I discussed
this
Linking Words
 issue with her several times and requested her to stop it but she always
ignore
Wrong verb form
ignored
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 me and
start
Wrong verb form
started
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 doing the same thing.
Additionally
Linking Words
, sometimes her friends
also
Linking Words
 take my things without even asking me.
i
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I
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 have been facing these problems from
first
Change the article
the first
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 term. now,
i
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I
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 am requesting you to give me a new
and
Correct word choice
apply
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single
room
Use synonyms
 so,
i
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I
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 can easily focus on my studies I hope you will understand my situation and will take action promptly.
your
Correct the word
yours
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 faithfully sahajpreet
kaur
Change the capitalization
Kaur
show examples

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has one main idea. This will help you to be clearer.
coherence and cohesion
Try to organize your ideas better. Start with your main point and support it.
task achievement
Use a more polite tone in your request. This could help your letter.
task achievement
Make sure to check your spelling and grammar. This helps make your letter easy to read.
task achievement
Your letter has a clear purpose, which is to request a new room.
task achievement
You explained your reasons well, which helps the reader understand your situation.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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