IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The first chart below show how energy is used in an average Australian household. The second chart shows the greenhouse gas emissions which result from this energy use.

The first chart below show how energy is used in an average Australian household. The second chart shows the greenhouse gas emissions which result from this energy use.
The provided pie charts illustrate the purposes of power use in the average Australian household and the resulting greenhouse gas
emissions
Use synonyms
 from that
energy
Use synonyms
 consumption.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is evident that the majority of
energy
Use synonyms
 in Australian households is consumed for heating purposes, resulting in 15% of greenhouse gas
emissions
Use synonyms
. Looking at the first pie chart, 15% of
energy
Use synonyms
 is used for other appliances,
whereas
Linking Words
energy
Use synonyms
 use for water heating is twice as much.
In addition
Linking Words
, Australians consume 4% of power for lighting,
while
Linking Words
 cooling accounts for half that amount, making it the lowest figure. From the second pie chart, it can be observed that other appliances and lighting produce 28% and 8% of the total
emissions
Use synonyms
, respectively. Cooling releases the lowest amount of greenhouse gas
emissions
Use synonyms
 at 3%, which is slightly higher than its proportion of
energy
Use synonyms
 use,
while
Linking Words
 refrigeration produces twice as much in
emissions
Use synonyms
 compared to its
energy
Use synonyms
 consumption.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words emissions, energy with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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