IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

1.Very year an increasing number of people suffer from fast food related diseases. The government, therefore, should impose a high tax on fast food. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In
this
Linking Words
 modern world, fast
food
Use synonyms
 become immensely
among
Correct word choice
popular among
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 and the rate of diseases stemming from fast
food
Use synonyms
 has increased over the
last
Linking Words
 few decades, so the higher taxes on these
foods
Use synonyms
 by the authorities are a viable solution for many. I partially agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement as there are other activities that play an important role
to mitigate
Change preposition
in mitigating
show examples
 these diseases,
such
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 as
active
Correct article usage
an active
show examples
 lifestyle. First reason for those who advocate the viewpoint that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 imposing taxes on
proccessed
Correct your spelling
processed
foods
Use synonyms
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 necessary
because
Add a missing verb
is because
show examples
 it contains harmful saturated oil which
reduce
Change the verb form
reduces
show examples
 the immunity of
body
Correct article usage
the body
show examples
 and
people
Use synonyms
 face many
challanges
Correct your spelling
challenges
,
such
Linking Words
 as high blood pressure and sugar. if there is a higher tax on these
type
Fix the agreement mistake
types
show examples
 of
foods
Use synonyms
,
people
Use synonyms
do
Verb problem
will
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 not buy
Linking Words
this
Fix the agreement mistake
these foods
show examples
food
Use synonyms
 and lead a healthy lifestyle.
Moreover
Linking Words
, fast
food
Use synonyms
include
Change the verb form
includes
show examples
variety
Add an article
a variety
show examples
 of preservatives and individuals are unable to get
Correct article usage
the vitamines
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vitamines
Correct your spelling
vitamins
show examples
, minerals, and carbohydrates that they take from fresh
food
Use synonyms
 and green vegetables. The government should impose higher tax rates
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 these fast
foods
Use synonyms
 and save
lives
Correct article usage
the lives
show examples
 of humans.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the authorities should aware
people
Use synonyms
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the
disadvanatges
Correct your spelling
disadvantages
 of fast
foods
Use synonyms
 on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
's health and encourage them to eat healthy and green
food
Use synonyms
.
Apart from
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
, sports facilities should be included in
daily
Correct article usage
the daily
show examples
 lives of individuals
Linking Words
due to
Change preposition
so that
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which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
they easily digest fast
food
Use synonyms
 and take care of their lifestyles.
For example
Linking Words
,
according to
Linking Words
recent
Add an article
a recent
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 study it has been shown that eating fast
food
Use synonyms
 and leading a sedentary lifestyle leads to numerous ailments which will have
deterimental
Correct your spelling
detrimental
 impacts on
people
Use synonyms
's health. What's more? The government should
also
Linking Words
 ban fast
food
Use synonyms
 chains which make
unhealty
Correct your spelling
unhealthy
 meals and use harmful chemicals and preservatives in
Use synonyms
food
Add an article
the food
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 and serve
to
Correct pronoun usage
them to
show examples
public
Add an article
the public
show examples
.
For instance
Linking Words
,
World
Correct article usage
the World
show examples
 Health Organization found that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 one renowned
food
Use synonyms
 chain in India was using harmful
chemical
Fix the agreement mistake
chemicals
show examples
 to make
food
Use synonyms
 more colourful and
delecious
Correct your spelling
delicious
,
then
Linking Words
 the government imposed higher fines
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 that organization and made
people
Use synonyms
 aware
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
this
Linking Words
. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 exorbitant taxes
tackel
Correct your spelling
tackle
 the issue of fast
Use synonyms
food related
Add a hyphen
food-related
show examples
 diseases, there are other effective ways
also
Linking Words
help
Fix the infinitive
to help
show examples
 to solve
this
Linking Words
 problem,
such
Linking Words
 as aware individuals
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the importance of physical activities.

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task response
Expand on your ideas. For example, explain why people would choose fast food over healthy options, and how taxes would change that behavior.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to use linking words to connect your ideas better (e.g., however, furthermore, for example).
coherence and cohesion
Check your spelling and grammar, especially on key words like 'processed' and 'detrimental'.
task response
You present a clear opinion and show understanding of the issue.
task response
You include some good examples to support your ideas, which is helpful.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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