IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some argue that teachers should focus on academics more than motivating students to what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some individuals think that
teachers
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 need to focus on more teaching practices rather than encouraging
students
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. I completely disagree
teachers
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 should encourage
students
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 to get good marks, teaching them moral values and to do other
activities
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 in
life
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. Motivation is considered very important in everyone’s
life
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especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
show examples
 at a young age when you are
specially
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especially
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 in school. there is a cutthroat competition where
students
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 are struggling to be toppers. If
teachers
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 motivate the mediocre
students
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 with appreciation
such
Linking Words
 as by saying good deeds or giving them tokens of love and appreciation.
Students
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 will automatically put their good efforts
in
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into
show examples
Use synonyms
studies
Correct pronoun usage
their studies
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. In daily
life
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,
Students
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 need inspiration to learn new skills and
activities
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 in school
such
Linking Words
 as learning music, painting and playing sports. These
activities
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 need
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
extra effort from the
studies
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. With
teachers
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’
Fix the agreement mistake
motivation
show examples
motivations
Add a comma
motivations,
show examples
 children can focus on both
studies
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 and extra
activities
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. Performing games and other skills will improve
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
health and make the
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students
Change noun form
student's
students'
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 brain sharp. it could be better for
students
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 if
teachers
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 teach them ethical values or moral
value
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values
show examples
 and discipline,
this
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 will make them good human beings
as well as
Linking Words
 responsible citizens by obeying the rules and regulations.
For example
Linking Words
, through literature and history lessons,
teachers
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 can prompt critical thinking about
morals
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moral
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 dilemmas and ethical choices faced by characters or historical figures.
This
Linking Words
 encourages
students
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 to develop empathy, compassion, and a sense of responsibility towards others. In conclusion, motivation is very crucial in everyone
life
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's especially
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 young age because
this
Linking Words
 will encourage
students
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 to participate more in
studies
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, music,
paintings
Fix the agreement mistake
painting
show examples
 and other
activities
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 and they will learn moral ethics. I believe motivation makes
students
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 motivated to achieve their long-term goals and makes them disciplined citizens.

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Coherence and Cohesion
Make sure to include clear topic sentences in each paragraph to show the main idea.
Coherence and Cohesion
Try to use more linking words to improve flow between sentences and ideas.
Task Achievement
Ensure that each point is developed fully with supporting explanations and examples.
Task Achievement
The essay presents a clear opinion.
Task Achievement
You included examples to support your ideas, such as discussing moral values.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • academic performance
  • motivational strategies
  • foundational understanding
  • engagement
  • dynamic learning environment
  • well-rounded students
  • long-term benefits
  • personal drive
  • educational experience
  • emotional support
What to do next:
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