IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Modern technology is now very common in most workplaces. How do you think this has changed the way we work? Do you think there are disadvantages to relying too much on technology?

In recent times, the issue of the importance of modern
technology
Use synonyms
 in workplaces has emerged as a matter of significant concern to the general public.
Technology
Use synonyms
 has transformed how
people
Use synonyms
 do their jobs, but becoming too dependent on it can cause some problems.
This
Linking Words
 essay
aim
Change the verb form
aims
show examples
 to offer a comprehensive analysis of these viewpoints. On the one hand,
people
Use synonyms
 should recognize that
technology
Use synonyms
 has changed the way
people
Use synonyms
work
Use synonyms
 in positive ways. A very important point to consider is that it increases productivity and saves time.
This
Linking Words
 means that technological tools
such
Linking Words
 as computers and software have significantly reduced the time needed to complete tasks that were once
time
Correct your spelling
time-
- consuming.To illustrate, online communication tools
such
Linking Words
 as Zoom and Google
meet
Capitalize word
Meet
show examples
 have replaced many face-to-face
meeting
Fix the agreement mistake
meetings
show examples
, saving travel
cost
Fix the agreement mistake
costs
show examples
. Another key point is that advanced
technology
Use synonyms
 allows remote
work
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 is because of the fact that more and more workers choose the option that
Use synonyms
work
Wrong verb form
working
show examples
 from home, which helps reduce stress and commuting time.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, it is equally important to consider that depending on too much
technology
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 brings drawbacks. One convincing argument is that it can minimize face-to-face interpersonal skills.
This
Linking Words
 suggests that employees may feel lonelier and find it harder to develop close connections with their colleagues.
In addition
Linking Words
, a growing number of
people
Use synonyms
 believe that over-reliance on digital tools and systems may cause
people
Use synonyms
become
Add the particle
to become
show examples
 more dependent. The underlying reason is that if the system crashes or the power goes out, it can stop all
work
Use synonyms
 and lead to serious problems. In conclusion,I believe that
while
Linking Words
 modern
technology
Use synonyms
 has
improves
Change the verb form
improved
show examples
 the way we
work
Use synonyms
 more
effective
Change the word
effectively
show examples
, it is
also
Linking Words
 undeniable that relying too much on it can lead to negative
effect
Fix the agreement mistake
effects
show examples
 because it can weaken human skills and create risks.
Therefore
Linking Words
, a balanced approach is necessary to address
this
Linking Words
 issue effectively.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Improve the introduction by clearly stating the two main points you will discuss.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to clearly connect your ideas to improve the flow of the essay.
task achievement
Add more examples to support your points, especially for the disadvantages.
content
The essay identifies both positive and negative aspects of technology in the workplace.
coherence and cohesion
Clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • efficiency
  • productivity
  • software applications
  • high-speed internet
  • communication
  • collaboration
  • geographical boundaries
  • remote work
  • flexibility
  • work-life balance
  • skill gaps
  • job displacement
  • automation
  • artificial intelligence
  • dependency
  • security risks
  • data breaches
  • cyber attacks
What to do next:
Look at other essays: