IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that museums should be enjoyable places to entertain people, while others believe that the purpose of museums is to educate. Discuss both views and give you own opinion.

Many
people
Use synonyms
 believe that
museums
Use synonyms
 are for
education
Use synonyms
 only,
while
Linking Words
 others argue that they should
also
Linking Words
 be enjoyable places of entertainment. In
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 want to illustrate that learning can be entertaining, and why
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 believe enjoying a museum is a much more efficient way to get educated. Many art
gallerys
Correct your spelling
galleries
 are designed in a very drab manner placing picture after picture. There is hardly any background music as
people
Use synonyms
 want to take in the art by itself, and in educational
Use synonyms
museums
Add a comma
museums,
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 there is either none at all
,
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apply
show examples
 or too much information about the shown pieces. Especially for
children
Add a comma
children,
show examples
this
Linking Words
 makes the experience more like a school trip rather than something of interest.
Therefore
Linking Words
, trying to educate
people
Use synonyms
 in
such
Linking Words
 a
monotounus
Correct your spelling
monotonous
 way is very inefficient, as their main goal is to leave rather than learn. Most importantly,
due to
Linking Words
 the sheer amount of
education
Use synonyms
, the information is often already forgotten when leaving the museum.
On the other hand
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, when going to
a
Change the article
an
show examples
interactiv
Correct your spelling
interactive
 place of
education
Use synonyms
, where
people
Use synonyms
 can be part of the learning process, they can remember it much easier and have a direct reference to what they
accuired
Correct your spelling
acquired
.
For example
Linking Words
, when I was still a child, I went to "Innatura", where I learnt about static electricity by placing my hands on a big
electryfied
Correct your spelling
electrified
 ball and
as a
Linking Words
result
Add a comma
result,
show examples
 my hair stood up in the air.
Although
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
 is so long ago, I can still remember it because it was fun
learing
Correct your spelling
learning
 and
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 made a new understanding
first hand
Correct your spelling
first-hand
show examples
. In summary,
while
Linking Words
 many
museums
Use synonyms
 are made
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 school only,
entertainement
Correct your spelling
entertainment
 often comes with the bonus of
beeing
Correct your spelling
being
 taught new things.
Thus
Linking Words
, a museum can be a place of
education
Use synonyms
 but benefits from
beeing
Correct your spelling
being
divers
Correct your spelling
diverse
show examples
 as well. I firmly believe
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 that
museums
Use synonyms
 with
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 focus on enjoyment are much better teachers than the ones that purely focus
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 information.
In addition
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,
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 enjoyable place is always teaching,
while
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 an educational habitat is not always
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 amusement.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure to organize your ideas clearly. Use paragraphs for each main point to help the reader follow your thoughts.
task achievement
Try to use a wider range of vocabulary to express your ideas more clearly and vividly.
coherence and cohesion
Check for spelling and grammar mistakes. These can make your writing less clear.
task achievement
You provided a personal example that made your point stronger.
task achievement
You discussed both views, which helps show that you understand the topic well.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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