IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

Parents are encouraging their children to spend an increasing amount of time on tablets and screens because they think it will improve their technological skills Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

It is argued that a lot of parents give their children phones
in
Change preposition
on
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 purpose to increase their
knowledge's
Change noun form
knowledge
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 about
technology
Use synonyms
. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will discuss
this
Linking Words
 issue and present the advantages and dis disadvantages. In
this
Linking Words
era
Add a comma
era,
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 we are
living
Verb problem
experiencing
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a
Correct article usage
apply
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great development in
Use synonyms
technology
Add an article
the technology
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 field.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 development might have
a
Correct article usage
apply
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nagative
Correct your spelling
negative
 aspects. A lot of people think if they let their children play more on tablets and phone
that's
Unnecessary verb
that
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 mean their technological skills will improve and increase, but they forget
this
Linking Words
 depends on what they watch and practice. No doubt,
technology
Use synonyms
 is changing the world positively in
such
Linking Words
 a fabulous way and
technology
Use synonyms
 could be a very great tool to learn a lot of things
such
Linking Words
 as languages,
skills
Correct word choice
and skills
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 and
also
Linking Words
 make friends. And it is a great resource to gain
values
Fix the agreement mistake
value
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, but the essential idea as I mentioned before it's
depend
Correct subject-verb agreement
depends
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 on the content they watch. It's not about
increase
Wrong verb form
increasing
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 time on tablets it is all about content and good resources.
For example
Linking Words
, if you spend about 12 hours watching a TV show in English is it
equals
Replace the word
equal
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 to
spend
Wrong verb form
spending
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 2 hours
in
Change preposition
apply
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learning the the grammar? The answer is no.
To sum up
Linking Words
, it is all about balance. لا يعتمد على الكم

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task achievement
Clearly state your main argument in the introduction and conclusion to let readers understand your position better.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear paragraphs for each point. Make sure each paragraph has one main idea that supports your argument.
language accuracy
Check for spelling and grammatical errors, such as 'nagative' instead of 'negative' and 'knowledge's' instead of 'knowledge'.
content understanding
You identified both advantages and disadvantages of children using technology, which is a valuable point.
example use
You provided examples to support your argument, like comparing time spent on TV vs grammar learning.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Digital literacy
  • Technology-driven world
  • Technological proficiency
  • Educational apps
  • Interactive software
  • Learning styles
  • Eye strain
  • Sedentary lifestyle
  • Social interaction
  • Emotional intelligence
  • Inappropriate content
  • Cyberbullying
  • Screen time management
  • Supervision and control
  • Exposure
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