The average age for individuals to give birth is increasing. Some people think that it will have negative impact on family and country. What is your opinion about this?

In the present era, pregnancy and deciding
baby
Correct article usage
a baby
show examples
has become modern as well.
Due to
Linking Words
financial
constrains
Correct your spelling
constraints
show examples
and making career
decision
Fix the agreement mistake
decisions
show examples
has increased the average age of a person to give birth but it should be completely someone's own choice
instead
Linking Words
of thinking about people around them.
Although
Linking Words
, it has some adverse
effect
Fix the agreement mistake
effects
show examples
overall
Linking Words
on declining birth
rate
Fix the agreement mistake
rates
show examples
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
show examples
it should not be above
individuals
Change noun form
individuals'
individual's
show examples
choice
how
Change preposition
of how
show examples
and when they should have kids. First of all, planning
a
Change the article
an
show examples
infant can
put
Verb problem
have
show examples
a huge impact on
career
Correct article usage
the career
show examples
growth of a parent if they do not have sufficient family support. After delivery
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
changes in the life of a parent, they have to put so much effort
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
personal
Correct pronoun usage
their personal
show examples
life and they cannot focus on their career as long as they do not a full family support.
For example
Linking Words
:

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Make the introduction clearer and include a stronger thesis statement to outline your opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and supports it with relevant points or examples.
task achievement
Try to add one or two more specific examples to back up your points, especially in the second half of the essay.
positive
Your opinion on individual choice is clear, which is a strong point of your essay.
positive
You have identified some relevant issues, such as career impact, that can connect with the reader.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general
Topic Vocabulary:
  • average age
  • give birth
  • increasing
  • negative impact
  • advantages
  • challenges
  • effects
  • family
  • country
  • older parents
  • financial stability
  • maturity
  • life experience
  • health risks
  • parenting skills
  • intergenerational relationships
  • future generations
What to do next:
Look at other essays: