Successful sports professionals can eam a great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think this is fully justified while others think it is unfair. Discuss both views and provide your own opinion

People

Use synonyms

have different views as to

wheather

Correct your spelling

whether

the high salaries of sports professionals are justified or not.

Although

Linking Words

some believe that they deserve

Use synonyms

thier

Correct your spelling

their

wages high

but

Remove the conjunction

apply

show examples

I align with those who think other

professions

Use synonyms

should

also

Linking Words

be paid more.

To begin

Linking Words

with, there are some reasons why individuals deem that

athelets

Correct your spelling

athletes

high earnings are valid. The first and the

formost

Correct your spelling

foremost

reason is that it

take

Change the verb form

takes

show examples

plenty of

efforts

Fix the agreement mistake

effort

show examples

to become a star sportsman. To justify,

people

Use synonyms

do lots of training and

hardwork

Correct your spelling

hard work

for years to enhance

Use synonyms

thier

Correct your spelling

their

performance in

Use synonyms

thier

Correct your spelling

their

respected field or a sport so that they can earn a hefty amount of money in future.

In addition

Linking Words

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

, they

also

Linking Words

bring huge

amount

Fix the agreement mistake

amounts

show examples

of money to

Use synonyms

thier sponsers

Correct your spelling

their sponsors

by playing or performing a specific sport which

Change preposition

show examples

result

Correct article usage

a result

show examples

make

Correct subject-verb agreement

makes

show examples

Use synonyms

thier

Correct your spelling

their

earnings high. The other one is that

high scale

Add a hyphen

high-scale

show examples

wages inspire youngsters to indulge in

sports

Add an article

the sports

show examples

field. To elaborate, teens see their

favorite

Change the spelling

favourite

show examples

athelte

Correct your spelling

athlete

athletes

to play and earn

good

Correct article usage

a good

show examples

livlihood

Correct your spelling

livelihood

makes them more

intersted

Correct your spelling

interested

to become

Change preposition

in becoming

show examples

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

successful

sportsman

Fix the agreement mistake

sportsmen

show examples

coming

Correct article usage

the coming

show examples

time.

However

Linking Words

, there are

myraid

Correct your spelling

myriad

reasons why I agree with those who think other working sectors should

also

Linking Words

be paid equally. The first one is that other

professions

Use synonyms

teacher

Fix the agreement mistake

teachers

show examples

docters

Correct your spelling

doctors

doctor

and many more contribute more towards the development of a nation or a community. To be precise, these

professions

Use synonyms

turn human lives

Change preposition

into

show examples

beautiful

phase

Fix the agreement mistake

phases

show examples

by teaching them the values required to be a better social person

thats

Correct your spelling

That is

why some

people

Use synonyms

think that the earnings of these

professions

Use synonyms

should be high.

Furthermore

Linking Words

, if low salaries

will be

Wrong verb form

are

show examples

paid to the social

professions

Use synonyms

then

Linking Words

people

Use synonyms

will inspired to become

sportsman

Fix the agreement mistake

sportsmen

show examples

and less number of

people

Use synonyms

will indulge in

teaching like

Add a hyphen

teaching-like

show examples

careers which may bring

huge

Correct article usage

a huge

show examples

downgrade for the community. In conclusion, I reiterate that other important

professions

Use synonyms

rather than sports should be paid more for the betterment of

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

society.

dhaliwalkaran526Sun May 25 2025

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coherence and cohesion

Ensure that your introduction clearly states both views and your opinion in a structured way.

coherence and cohesion

Use clearer topic sentences for each paragraph to show what the main point is.

task achievement

Make sure to use correct spelling, grammar, and punctuation to improve clarity.

task achievement

Provide more specific examples or statistics to support your points.

task achievement

You have covered both views and provided your own opinion, which is good for task response.

coherence and cohesion

The structure of your essay is logical, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
39
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

316 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

earn
money
important
justified
unfair
profession
successful
revenue
teams
sponsors
inspire
young
athletes
health
teamwork
skills
short
careers
demands
risks
necessary
future
essential
teachers
nurses
society
salary
differences
entertainment
factor
fan
base
willing
pay

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