IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Nowadays many people choose to be self-employed, rather than to work for a company or organisation. Why might this be the case? What could be the disadvantages of being self-employed?

Todays
Fix the agreement mistake
Today
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 world has been changing every day and
while
Linking Words
somethings
Correct your spelling
some things
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have
Verb problem
are
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 popular other things can be unpopular. Nowadays many
people
Use synonyms
 prefer to be self-employed, rather than to work for a company or organization. As far as I am concerned,
this
Linking Words
 case occurred
due to
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 developed technology and it causes many disadvantages
on
Change preposition
to
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 society. First of all, today having
a
Remove the article
apply
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their own job is popular among
people
Use synonyms
 because of technology. Thanks to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
technology
people
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 communicate with others easily and they can follow other
people
Use synonyms
’s lives
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
show examples
 on social media. When they see
people
Use synonyms
 who have their own
business
Use synonyms
, they
also
Linking Words
 see happy things, rich
people
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 and
people
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 who
do
Verb problem
are
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 not
concern
Replace the word
concerned
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 about
money
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.
This
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 case
force
Change the verb form
forces
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people
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 to establish their own
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business
Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
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 and invest their
money
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to
Change preposition
in
show examples
Linking Words
this
Fix the agreement mistake
these businesses
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business
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, just a few
people
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 who establish their own
business
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 can be successful and
people
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 who have no success lose their
money
Use synonyms
 and courage. It causes a disorder
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 society because
,
Remove the comma
apply
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people
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 who have no
money
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 or have debt can be
slave
Fix the agreement mistake
slaves
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for
Change preposition
to
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 companies and because of that
people
Use synonyms
 can have mental illnesses and
this
Linking Words
 causes disorder
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 society.
Therefore
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,
people
Use synonyms
 have to realize that everyone has not
got
Verb problem
apply
show examples
their own job and they have to act realistically because of the risk of
lose
Replace the word
loss
show examples
.
To sum up
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,
people
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 want to establish their own
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business
Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
show examples
due to
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 things that they
saw
Wrong verb form
see
show examples
 on social media.
However
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, even
Use synonyms
people
Correct word choice
if people
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 choose to be self-employed, most of them cannot be successful and
this
Linking Words
 might
be caused
Wrong verb form
cause
show examples
 social disorder so, they must act realistically.

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coherence and cohesion
Try to structure your essay with clear paragraphs, each focusing on one main idea. This will help the reader follow your thoughts more easily.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your ideas. This can make your argument stronger and more convincing.
coherence and cohesion
Work on sentence structure and grammar, as some sentences are unclear. Proofreading can help you find and correct these errors.
task achievement
You have a clear introduction that states your opinion on the topic.
task achievement
You recognize both the advantages and disadvantages of being self-employed, which shows a balanced view.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • self-employment
  • freelancing
  • entrepreneurship
  • autonomy
  • financial stability
  • work-life balance
  • financial insecurity
  • lack of support
  • resources
  • long working hours
  • uncertain income
  • job security
What to do next:
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