IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Nowadays, people move from one country to another for work. Some people think children of these families suffer because of this, while others think it is helpful for them. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

It has been a growing trend among people to relocate from
domestic
Correct article usage
a domestic
show examples
 country to
international
Correct article usage
an international
show examples
 nation.
However
Linking Words
,
their
Replace the word
there
show examples
 has been a concern regarding
Correct article usage
the children's
show examples
children's
Change noun form
children
show examples
 of these
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
. Whether they receive benefits or it is a struggling situation. In my
views
Fix the agreement mistake
view
show examples
, it
depend
Change the verb form
depends
show examples
 on the adults surrounded by these kids,
how
Correct word choice
and how
show examples
 they manage them. On the positive side,
children's
Change noun form
children
show examples
 avail plenty of opportunities when they move to
other country
Change the wording
another country
other countries
show examples
. They can learn
new
Correct article usage
a new
show examples
 language,
culture
Correct word choice
and culture
show examples
 and can get an advantage
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
recieve
Correct your spelling
receiving
 citizenship rights. It might be beneficial for their future when they
will
Verb problem
apply
show examples
grow up and commence a business.
For example
Linking Words
, In some
develop
Wrong verb form
developed
show examples
 origins, people with citizenship rights enjoy various facilities
such
Linking Words
 as low interest
rate
Fix the agreement mistake
rates
show examples
 on
loan
Fix the agreement mistake
loans
show examples
 and
right
Correct article usage
the right
show examples
 to vote.
Thus
Linking Words
, they can enjoy the same rights
what
Correct word choice
that
show examples
born
Correct pronoun usage
those born
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 those countries get. On the negative side, there are potential challenges for them.
Such
Linking Words
 as struggle to learn
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 foreign language,
adaption
Correct word choice
and adaption
show examples
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 food and environment .
For instance
Linking Words
, it will be hard for students to make new friends when they
are not belong
Change the verb form
do not belong
show examples
 to
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 ethnic group.
As a result
Linking Words
, they might feel isolated and depressed. In my perspective, the debate over migration with kids to another nation is
multifacted
Correct your spelling
multifaceted
. But I think the positive side is
brigher
Correct your spelling
brighter
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 if the parents and teachers can help them to adapt
the
Change preposition
to the
show examples
 new place. They can help them on every step so that they can learn
everthing
Correct your spelling
everything
 fast. In conclusion, Citizens are arguing whether the decision is in favour of school and college students when their
caregiver
Fix the agreement mistake
caregivers
show examples
 take them to foreign
place
Fix the agreement mistake
places
show examples
. There are both sides of
argument
Add an article
the argument
an argument
show examples
. But, if adults took
responsiblity
Correct your spelling
responsibility
to manage
Change preposition
for managing
show examples
 the negative points it
can
Wrong verb form
could
show examples
 be
a
Change the article
an
show examples
advantgeous
Correct your spelling
advantage
 for them.

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grammar
Make sure to use correct subject-verb agreements, like 'there has been a concern' instead of 'there has been a concern regarding children's of these family.'
content
Include clear examples that directly relate to your points to strengthen your arguments.
vocabulary
Try to vary your vocabulary instead of repeating simple words like 'family' and 'country.'
cohesion
Link your ideas more smoothly to help the reader follow your thoughts better. Use phrases like 'On one hand...' or 'Conversely...' to transition between points.
content
You have included both sides of the argument, which is essential for this kind of essay.
structure
Your conclusion summarizes the discussion well, indicating your opinion clearly.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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