IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

With the increasing demand for energy sources such as oil and gas, should people be looking for sources of oil and gas in remote and untouched places? Do the advantages of locating new source of energy outweigh the disadvantages ?

It is undeniable that
need
Correct article usage
the need
show examples
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 fuels
such
Linking Words
 as oil and gas is escalating.
Linking Words
Although
Correct word choice
However
show examples
, looking for these sources in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
remote areas has some merits. I believe that its demerits are manifold. On the one hand, there are certain upsides of searching
Use synonyms
fuel
Change preposition
for fuel
show examples
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
untouched areas. The conspicuous one is that low prices
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
boost
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the economy of
local
Add an article
the local
show examples
area
Use synonyms
. To elucidate, if more oil and gas
will be
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
 found in rural
Use synonyms
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
 it will meet the demand
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
fuel
Use synonyms
 in a nation which will bring the prices down.
Moreover
Linking Words
, there will be plenty of jobs available for the natives because a number of workers are needed to run
mining
Correct article usage
the mining
show examples
 process to find the
fuel
Use synonyms
. The rise in
rate
Add an article
the rate
show examples
 of employment will have a great impact on the economy of the country.
In addition
Linking Words
, there will be more quantity of
fuel
Use synonyms
 for the future generation.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there are several downsides
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 exploring
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
untouched areas for obtaining
fuel
Use synonyms
. The first and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
foremost is that it will create pollution. To elaborate, when the process of searching
Use synonyms
fuel
Change preposition
for fuel
show examples
will be
Wrong verb form
is
show examples
 carried out it will release
lot
Change the article
a lot
show examples
 of smoke and other
fuel
Use synonyms
 residue in the local
area
Use synonyms
 which will directly have
impact
Add an article
an impact
show examples
 on the quality of air and water.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, mining for fuels will require to move the locals from that
area
Use synonyms
 which will cause a problem of home security. The wildlife will
also
Linking Words
 be
effected
Correct your spelling
affected
show examples
Change preposition
on at
show examples
at
Correct your spelling
a
show examples
 large scale.
For example
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 survey was conducted on the
fuel
Use synonyms
 mining sites in the US to check the species of wildlife around the
area
Use synonyms
. The result of the report was that the number of animals and birds
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 80
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 less than
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
area
Use synonyms
 where mining was not in process. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 looking for
fuel
Use synonyms
 in remote lands seems advantageous, I reiterate that it has more disadvantages for individuals and society.

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task achievement
Your introduction gives a clear opinion but could provide more background on the issue.
coherence and cohesion
Try to link your ideas more clearly. Use transition words like 'however' or 'moreover' to show connections between points.
task achievement
Add more specific examples or data to support your ideas. For instance, state specific regions or statistics when discussing job creation.
task achievement
You clearly stated your opinion in the introduction and conclusion, which is important.
coherence and cohesion
You provided some good points about both sides of the argument, showing that you understand the topic well.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • energy
  • demand
  • sources
  • oil
  • gas
  • remote
  • untouched
  • advantages
  • disadvantages
  • jobs
  • economy
  • local
  • pollution
  • environment
  • wildlife
  • habitat
  • climate
  • change
  • global
  • warming
  • communities
  • homes
  • social
  • problems
What to do next:
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