Many students choose to take a gap year before starting university, to travel or gain work experience Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Proponents believe that the young generation should complete university studies,
while
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opponents argue that they should work in fields that have limited workers,
such
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as car technicians or builders to help society.
This
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essay will discuss both sides and provide my opinion in detail. University degrees can lead to better job opportunities.
In other words
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, higher degree professionals have
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
Change the noun form
job
show examples
jobs
Use synonyms
opportunities in their specific fields which require university qualifications,
such
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as doctors or teachers. It's a highly important part of performance maximisation to be a teacher in that profession.
Consequently
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, students should go to universities for
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
further
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study to be eligible for higher-salary
jobs
Use synonyms
.
However
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, despite
this
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, I completely disagree with
this
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and think that young individuals should work in those demanding
jobs
Use synonyms
to assist society.
On the other hand
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, some individuals believe that learners should continually change their career purpose depending on various factors including the demands of society. They think that because of the excessive shortage of different handyman job workers, young students can fulfil
this
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by joining those fields just after graduating from college and that can be done depending on how they feel at the time of completion of their high school degrees.
However
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, many learners go beyond these basic adjustments to second
jobs
Use synonyms
and make changes to the communities by themselves.
For example
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, many teachers in Bangladesh attributed to the additional
jobs
Use synonyms
as electricians
besides
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their teaching professions in primary schools, and today many professionals throughout the globe have
choosen
Correct your spelling
chosen
a second job to contribute to the societies. In conclusion, it can be summarized that students have individual preferences for the shape of their careers.
While
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they can go to universities for
further
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education and that would assist in getting more
jobs
Use synonyms
, I strongly believe that if they work after school completion , they might be able to make a difference in their communities

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Task Response
Your introduction gives a good overview of the topic, but try to clearly state your opinion in one sentence.
Coherence and Cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and stick to that idea. This will help your points flow better.
Task Response
Add more specific examples to support your ideas. Your points will be stronger with clear examples.
Coherence and Cohesion
You have a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
Task Response
Your essay addresses the topic and shows different viewpoints, which is good.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • immersive experience
  • perspectives
  • empathy
  • societal norms
  • practical understanding
  • motivation
  • networking
  • recharge
  • dedication
  • forge meaningful relationships
  • financial independence
  • emotional well-being
  • self-confidence
  • adaptability
  • open-minded
  • mentorships
  • motivated
  • prepared
  • volunteering
  • internships
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