IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Recently, abortion increases rapidly and becomes a controversial topic. Some people suppose that abortion should be legal while others are against it. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

In recent years, people
are
Verb problem
have
show examples
arguing
Wrong verb form
argued
show examples
due to
Linking Words
 the growing amount of abortions in women. Some citizens are in favour of
legalisation
Correct article usage
the legalisation
show examples
 of abortion and others want to stop
this
Linking Words
 trend. I am in favour of
former
Correct article usage
the former
show examples
 viewpoint. Those who are in the favour of legalisation of ending
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
pregnacies
Correct your spelling
pregnancies
 in the early stage believe that it should be
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 decision of
mother
Correct article usage
the mother
show examples
, whether she wants to take a child or not. There might be various reasons behind
this
Linking Words
,
sometime
Replace the word
sometimes
show examples
 the
pregnacy
Correct your spelling
pregnancy
 is because of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
rape or
abusive
Correct article usage
an abusive
show examples
 relationship.
Also
Linking Words
, women may not be ready from financial or mental aspects. If in
such
Linking Words
 situations a baby
born
Add a missing verb
is born
show examples
 the result could be a mental torcher for a lady and poor upbringing of
a children
Correct the article-noun agreement
children
a child
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
, In my country
india
Change the capitalization
India
show examples
, babies are thrown into fields and waste water when mothers are not able to end the journey of being
mother
Fix the agreement mistake
mothers
show examples
. To stop
such
Linking Words
 situations, legalisation should be mandatory. There are few who are against
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
legalised owing to the belief
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 killing
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a human being. They claim that in the first three months
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fatals
Correct your spelling
fatal
 internal organs start to develop.
Thus
Linking Words
, abortion is
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
like
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a
Correct your spelling
as
show examples
 murder.
Additionally
Linking Words
, some cultures prohibit
this
Linking Words
scenerio
Correct your spelling
scenario
. If
Use synonyms
law
Correct article usage
the law
show examples
force
Change the verb form
forces
show examples
 people to obey
this
Linking Words
 rule of killing, the people may start strikes.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, these
pre-muture
Correct your spelling
pre-mature
birth
Fix the agreement mistake
births
show examples
 can
also
Linking Words
 lead
many
Change preposition
to many
show examples
 issues
such
Linking Words
 as poor ovulation, fibroids and weight gain. That's why, they
donot
Correct your spelling
do not
 want
Use synonyms
law
Add an article
the law
show examples
 to enter. In my
viewpoints
Fix the agreement mistake
viewpoint
show examples
, the
law
Use synonyms
 should enforce
such
Linking Words
 laws. The benefits are wider as
compare
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
 to
negative
Add an article
the negative
show examples
 side. It should be
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 decision of parents whether they are mentally and
phsically
Correct your spelling
physically
 ready. In conclusion, it became a debate among
notion
Fix the agreement mistake
notions
show examples
 whether the government should mandate the
law
Use synonyms
 of abortion or not. There were few who were with
Use synonyms
law
Add an article
the law
show examples
along with
Linking Words
 me owing to the consequences of
pregnacy
Correct your spelling
pregnancy
.
Such
Linking Words
 laws can assist women in difficult situations when there is not a mutual decision.

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Task Achievement
Your argument about the legalisation of abortion needs clearer expression. Make sure each point is well explained.
Coherence and Cohesion
Try to improve the flow between your ideas. Use linking words to connect sentences and paragraphs better.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on grammar and punctuation to improve clarity. Proofreading your essay will help catch errors.
Task Achievement
You provided specific examples to illustrate your argument, which helps support your views.
Coherence and Cohesion
You presented both sides of the debate, which shows a balanced perspective.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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