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Writing Samples
Band 4

The diagram shows the life cycle of the brown, white, pink shrimps in the Gulf of Mexico. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparison where relevant.

The diagram shows the life cycle of the brown, white, pink shrimps in the Gulf of Mexico. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparison where relevant.
The illustration demonstrates the life span of three species
dominate
Correct pronoun usage
that dominate
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 the Gulf of Mexico’s commercial shrimp harvest. It is observed that the process consists of multiple stages, beginning with
the
Correct article usage
apply
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egg production and ending with the coming back to the
ocean
Use synonyms
 to reproduce. First of all, the eggs
laid
Add a missing verb
are laid
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 in the
ocean
Use synonyms
, which hatch within 24 hours into nauplius. These develop into
protozoea
Correct your spelling
protozoa
protozoan
 before becoming mysis. These early forms are considered plankton and are carried along by wind and
ocean
Use synonyms
 currents towards the land.
Then
Linking Words
, the larvae enter the postlarva stage and eventually grow into juveniles. Marshes provide protection and food for survival and growth. Before the step of becoming
mature
Correct article usage
a mature
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adults
Fix the agreement mistake
adult
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,
it
Correct pronoun usage
one
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 must go through the
sub-adults
Correct your spelling
sub-adult
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 stage. During
this
Linking Words
 time, shrimp begin to migrate from bays back to the
ocean
Use synonyms
 and become fully mature within two to four months. Adult shrimp continue to live in the
ocean
Use synonyms
, and their life
span
Change the verb form
spans
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 up to two years. During
this
Linking Words
 period, they begin to reproduce and
then
Linking Words
 start a new life span.

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Linking words: Add some linking words.
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words ocean with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 2 basic words for charts were used.
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